We are almost one month away from the 2016 Rio Olympic games and there has been absolutely nothing but horror stories coming out of Rio. Whether its from the Zika virus, contaminated water, or even gun fights in the middle of locations that are supposed to be hosting major sporting events in only a few weeks, very few things seem to be running smoothly. Now, I’m not the biggest Olympics guy. There are about four, maybe five, sports that I will attempt to watch on T.V. but even if I miss them, I know I’ll survive. Regardless of my interest level, they are the Olympics and it’s pretty unbelievable that this is how they are being treated. But, alas, this is a conversation for another time.


What I would like to discuss is the reinstitution of the greatest Olympic sport of all time. This sport was only in the Olympics from 1900-1920. That sport, of course, is Tug-of-War. Yes, the game we obviously all know and consider to be the ultimate test of strength, Tug-of-War, was an Olympic sport. And guess what? The U.S. was awesome at it. According to the International Olympic Committee, the U.S. swept all three medals at the 1904 games in St. Louis, Missouri. That’s badass.


What I would give to watch giant men, from different countries, dragging each other across the floor with a rope. This would either bring the greatest glory to your country or the most embarrassing shame of all time. There would be no better way to determine the “Strongest Country” than with a single elimination, bracket tournament of Tug-of-War. Imagine, if instead of hockey, the U.S. and the U.S.S.R. meet in Tug-of-War during the cold war? If that wouldn’t be must watch television than I don’t know what would be.


I would like to officially announce the launch of my campaign to return Tug-of-War to the Olympics. I do understand that there can only be a certain amount of games in the Summer Olympics. That would mean that another sport would have to be pulled in order to put Tug-of-War in. Luckily for me, it seems like after these Olympics, all of the top athletes in the world will either be dead or sterile. That should leave plenty of opportunity for the return of the greatest Olympic sport of all time.