After a week off for America’s birthday, we jump back into JoJo’s quest for true love tonight. I have to say, at the end of last episode when she told Alex and James Taylor that she couldn’t give out that final rose, I was all ready to call that episode Black Monday. That would have been FOUR guys axed in one night! That happening this late in the game would have been unprecedented. But alas, Harrison chickened out and told JoJo she could have two more roses.
We are down to six though so that means hometowns are coming fast. Probably the episode after this one we’ll get an inside look at the guy’s lives. But until then, let’s look at the Power Rankings of the six remaining fellas.
POWER RANKINGS OF WHO JOJO WILL PICK (previous ranking in parenthesis)
- Luke (2) – Honestly I thought Luke and JoJo were going to start banging when they were making out on the group date. On a day when one of the NBA greats is retiring, I feel it is fitting that I parallel Luke to Tim Duncan. You know he’s there and he’s doing some serious work, but it’s not until he’s on camera and you actually see his game that you can really appreciate what he is doing.
- Jordan Rodgers (1) – Not a terrible week but he did get the good Rodgers name dragged through the mud by his “friend” James Taylor. I have to say, other than Jordan Rodgers being Jordan Rodgers, I have no issues with him. He is an easy target for the other guys to go after, but other than getting blasted by his old girlfriend on Instagram after the first episode, what malice has he really done?
- Chase (5) – Chase has the clutch gene. He was about one sentence away from being sent home. JoJo didn’t know how he felt about her and put him on the spot. This showed that she wanted Chase to stay. He had to talk himself out of it and somehow came out with the rose. I wouldn’t be surprised if Chase blacked out during that entire exchange.
4. James Taylor and his Eye (4) – James Taylor is wearing on me. His woe is me bullshit is way too over the top. We get it, James Taylor, you’re a big, frumpy doof and these other guys are in shape studs. You’re a simple country bumpkin and these other guys come from prestigious families and military backgrounds and shit. You don’t have to tell us this every goddamn time you get on camera. JoJo is going to get sick of it quick.
5. Robby (8) – He’s got to be gay.
6. Little Alex (7) – Boy did his height get exposed this week. It’s like the producers are just toying with him showing all the guys standing around him and he’s not even up to their shoulders.
POWER RANKINGS OF WHO WILL BE THE NEXT BACHELOR
- Chase (4)
- Jordan Rodgers (3)
- Luke (1)
- James Taylor (5)
- Little Alex (7)
- Robby (8)
Alright let’s look at some other highlights WITH PICTURES THIS TIME.
First, the boys were all giving Wells shit for not kissing JoJo BROOOOOODO YOU EVEN KISS, BRO!
Wells went on the date with JoJo to some weird where they got shot and then swam in some infinity whirl pool thing.
JoJo said it was so romantic and intense, but I would have to disagree with this. I would be struggling to stay afloat. I don’t care that the water is only like four inches deep, the way it was flowing from side to side, I’d be getting water all up in my nose and seriously be in danger of drowning. And that’s not just because I’m a weak swimmer. Anyways Wells finally did kiss her and JoJo basically gave Wells a Bronx cheer. Later at dinner, Wells bombed the interview portion of the date and JoJo deked him harder than Charlie Conway deked the Hawks.
JoJo was all like “here’s the rose that I can’t give you, cake eater.”
Next up was the group date. They played soccer and had a shootout and simple old James Taylor won the shoot out. Aw schucks. The fireworks really went off at the dinner cocktail party thing where James Taylor tattled on Jordan Rodgers for not playing nice.Also how is James Taylor’s eye still THIS messed up? It might be time to be an eye patch guy.It’s kind of endearing actually.
Jordan Rodgers took exception to James Taylor’s tattling and they two had a rather heated discussion.And Little Alex was loving every second of it.
“Get ya popcorn ready” – Little Alex
Luke got the group date rose after he and JoJo almost banged, but that brought us to the two-on-one, the second of the season, mind you. Now this two-on-one between Chase and Derek was interesting to me. Usually a two-on-one is between two guys that hate each other. While Chase and Derek didn’t always see eye to eye, they weren’t mortal enemies like Alex and Chad, Twin 1 and Olivia or even Ashley I and Kelsey (the girl that killed her husband Sanderson Poe). Yet they were both what I would consider, heavy hitters in the game. It was kind of like when Kentucky and UConn played in the National Championship a couple years ago. Two historically good programs going head to head, but both have respect for one another. Both I thought performed well on the date, but when it came down to it, Chase got the rose.And Derek was sent off in an absolutely BRUTAL fashion. Some chick singing “Don’t Cry For Me, Argentina” while Chase and JoJo are dancing and flashing back and forth to Derek crying in the car saying “Don’t cry, Derek” to himself. I throw that up there with when Kaitlyn left Cupcake on the cliff to die last year.
Jim Halpert would never be caught dead in that state.
At the Rose Ceremony, we all know what happened. JoJo chickened out and didn’t send anyone home and Little Alex said it was a pity rose. Speaking of Little Alex, he 1000% has been shrinking throughout this season.Alright this angle isn’t so bad.Yikes wow okay, maybe it’s just the angle…..GOOD LORD. He doesn’t even come up to their shoulders! I found out that ABC actually edited the picture and that it actually looked like this:On a completely unrelated note, if anyone knows a way to photoshop other than Microsfot Paint, let me know. Asking for a friend.
But that was the episode. Let’s get pumped for tonight! If I had to guess, Alex is going home and possibly Robby. I think James Taylor somehow redeems himself/the producers tell JoJo he has to stay because people like him.
There’s two nights a year that are always a pain for us Bachelor and sports fans. One is the College Football National Championship and the other is tonight, the Home Run Derby. So I’ll probably be watching The Bachelorette on Pacific Time tonight. By the way, my pick for the HR Derby is Giancarlo Stanton.
Follow the live tweets (during Pacific Time) @ABCDTheBachelor