In our second installment of “Would You Rather Wednesday,” we take a look into the pirate life and ask America if they’d rather have one of two of the more infamous pirate looks.

Peg Leg vs Hook Hand

Before we go into the arguments of both, here are the stipulations for having a peg leg or having a hook hand:

Peg Leg: You can chose the peg to be on either leg and it goes from the knee down.  You cannot wear a shoe or anything like that on the peg leg leg and you have to wear pants that show the peg leg.

Hook Hand: Must be your dominant hand and like the peg leg, you cannot hide it.

The Case for Peg Leg:

The obvious and most reasonable reason for taking the pegged leg is that you would then have two hands, including your dominant hand.  Having to show the peg leg at all times is definitely a bit of a game changer.  At that point you might as well just double down and throw an eye patch on too.  I can’t decide if you’d get girls to think that having a peg leg is super neat, or really weird.  I think either way you’d run into a couple of freaks that’d want you to use your peg leg in non-traditional ways so that might make for an interesting night.  Now which leg would you pick?  I think the play is to make the left leg the peg leg because I would imagine driving would be pretty difficult with a block of wood for a leg.

The Case for Hook Hand:

Well having a razor sharp hook for a hand is pretty badass.  You wouldn’t need to buy forks or knives anymore so you’d probably save some money.  It would be pretty tough to type though and it’d be damn near impossible to simultaneously search x videos and jack off unless you got a fleshlight that had the exact circumference that could fit right in your hook.  Then I think we’d be in business.  On top of that, having two functioning legs is never a bad thing.

Ketch’s Decision:

You know this is a tough one.  Since you can’t hide either one, you’d be getting exploited either way.  Part of me wants to say fuck it and just take both the peg leg AND the hook hand and just go all in on being a swashbuckling pirate.  But since I can only choose one, I think I have to take the peg leg.  While it will be incredibly weird and awkward to hobble around on a peg leg, I think having two full functioning hands is well worth it and probably safer.  You wouldn’t accidentally poke anything and it’d be easier to masturbate which is ultimately what matters.