Every two years, I find love. I see some sweet, pretty, sexy woman playing some kind of obscure sport in the Olympic games and I say to myself “oh she looks like she’s sweet as pie! Definitely would take her home to mom!” I don’t know if it’s because these women are for the most part just normal people who happen to be really fucking good at something or what, but I find a good looking Olympic athlete to be perfect.
It’s funny, too, because I don’t know these women. They’re cheerful and happy in interviews and they seem like they would be just wonderful life partners, but for all I know, they could be just awful humans. But hey who cares. So here’s the list in no particular order. I’m sure I’m missing some so feel free to tweet me anybody I forgot @WhatAKetchWCS
Kerri Walsh-Jennings – USA, Beach Volleyball. I’ve loved her for so long. Seems like she’s just an awesome wife, mother and lover.
Kassidy Cook – USA, Diving. Cute as a fucking button.
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Wow!! OLYMPIC BRONZE MEDALIST! I cannot put into words how much this means to me and how much your support has helped. I never dreamed that this moment was possible. Thank you to everyone who helped make it happen. You know who you are ❤️. So grateful. My heart is full. 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸
Emma Coburn – USA, Track and Field. Where Kassidy and Kerri are a bit younger and older than me (respectively), Emma is my age so maybe there’s a chance!
Monica Puig – Puerto Rico, Tennis. She’s really hot.
Marta Menegatti – Italy, Beach Volleyball. Another one that’s my age. Maybe I can woo her with my awesome American accent. Marta is fucking beautiful. If I put a beach volleyball court in my backyard maybe that’ll be enough to woo her.
Alex Morgan – USA, Soccer. Uhh obviously.
Allyson Felix – USA, Track and Field. Seems like a lovely person who is definite wife material.
Elena Della-Donne – USA, Basketball. Other than her being 6’5″ she seems perfect.
Georgie Twigg – Great Britain, Field Hockey. This chick is drop dead gorgeous.
Kelsey Robinson – USA, Volleyball. Similarly to Della-Donne, she’s like 6’3″ but otherwise perfect.
Ellen Hoog – Netherlands, Field Hockey. Yup.
Pauline Ferrand-Prevot – France, Cycling. I just happened to turn the channel over and she was getting interviewed. Just a lovely person, and pretty damn sexy.
Jenny Simpson – USA, Track and Field. Maybe not the best looking of the group, but very cute and she is very “mom” like aka would make a great wife. Also that dog is fucking adorable.
Ally Raisman – USA, Gymnastics. She’s kind of on the bubble for me, but this marriage would be purely sexual.
Again, I’m sure I missed some so tweet the at me and we can have a nice conversation about it. Should be tons of fun. Also if any of the women on this list happen to see this (highly unlikely), then maybe they’ll see this as endearing be flattered and not be completely creeped out.