Well folks, as promised, the day before the Battle for Gotham kicks off at 3:30, I want to release my predictions for the New York Jets. I think this team is as almost as fun to watch as my boys in blue, but with Gang Green I have no stress during games because – win or lose – I really don’t care.
So let’s dive into this one… GREEN MEANS GOOOOO!!!
Week 1, Bengals – Win. On September 11, I think a home opener will be HUGE. The fans will be fired up having a legitimate QB. I see Fitz having a real nice solidly MANAGED game. Jets win, even though AJ Green probably has his way with them.
Week 2, @Bills – Loss. The Bills are just a frustrating team and in Ralph Wilson (I’m refusing to insult “The Ralph” by calling it its new name). I see Tyrod Taylor having a game where every 3rd down he just runs for it and the Jets can’t figure out how to stop it. Just a 21-17 loss or something like that. Close but no cigar.
Week 3, @Chiefs – Win. I know this makes no sense, Alex Smith can do the same stuff Tyrod Taylor does (ok, probably passes better but runs slower), but after seeing it done to them last week, they get those big 3rd down stops.
Week 4, Seahawks – Loss. 3 straight weeks of mobile QB’s sucks. Moreso, Wilson had been carrying around a ton of weight in that sack of his and he just unloaded that in/on his wife. Definitely going to be a great year for Wilson, that doesn’t bode well for the Jets.
Week 5, @Steelers – Loss. The Steelers are just a franchise I respect, probably too much. But AB and Bell will be together by now and they’re going to wreck havoc on defenses. Jets are 2-3 heading into Week 6 the way I see it. And guess what, the haters come out and will start saying that signing Fitz was stupid, and we should’ve given Geno the keys – and to them I say STFU. Cuz here it comes…
Week 6, @Cardinals – Win. I don’t “get” the Cardinals. I don’t understand how they’re good – they’re like the Bengals to me. They should always be bottom of the barrel but lately that’s not been true. I’m taking the Jets to get back to .500 here in a nice game for Fitzy & Co.
Week 7, Ravens – Win. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it 100 times, Joe Flacco sucks. There’s no way the Jets lose Week 7 and OOPS! They’re all of a sudden 4-3. Probably middle of a 3-way tie for 1st in the AFC East (the Pats presumably split the first 4 and win the rest – making them 5-2, and the Bills are about 4-3 as well).
Week 8, @Browns – Win. Cleveland’s luck in sports will not carry to the NFL season and the Browns will take them back to reality. Everyone will be wearing JR Smith body tattoo t-shirts by now and already totally engrossed in the Cavs season. All of a sudden, the Jets are starting to put something together here.
Week 9, @Dolphins – Loss. Why? TRAP GAME. Jets feel good, they march into Miami a little too cocky and somehow, inexplicably, the Jets lose this game. I don’t think the Dolphins are a better team, I just see the Jets taking it too lightly.
Week 10, Rams – Win. Okay, back on track, Jets are now 6-4 after beating the Rams – who probably will suck in their inaugural season in LA. 6-4 heading into the Bye Week.
Week 12, Patriots – Win. They take down Tom Brady and all of a sudden the Jets are feeling like the hot shit around the Big Apple. “7-4? We got this.” I can already hear it now (despite the fact that NE will be atop the AFC by a game). Good vibes for the boys in green. Jets beat the Pats.
Week 13, Colts – Win. And I don’t know what made me so flippy-floppy on this one but maybe I don’t know what to expect out of Andrew Luck and the Colts. I hope for his sake their O-Line learned how to block, but I’m not sure so sure. Let’s assume the O-Line still sucks and the Jets just beat up the Colts, but this easily could also be a Colts team that breaks out at the beginning of the year and I’m just like… “WHOOPSIE!!!”
Week 14, @49ers – Win. The 9ers are an enigma to me, so like the Colts, I’m giving this one a 50-50 shot… that I’ll give to the Jets. After this win, the Jets are sitting 9-4. They and their fans are convinced this is the year. “Good thing we signed Fitz! Could you imagine what we would’ve wasted if Geno was our guy!? LOLZ!” This all coming from those herbs mentioned in week 5 calling for Fitzy’s head. Here we are staring at 3 divisional games to finish the season, the playoffs are looking ripe.
Week 15, Dolphins – Loss. Home against the Dolphins… couldn’t be another trap game, could it? Fuck yeah it could. I’ve given two 50/50 games to the Jets this year, and this will be the equalizer. Again, not saying the Dolphins are good – in fact I think they’ll suck, but the Jets again will take them easy, and STILL the Dolphins will make it a close game (because even the Jets sucking and the Dolphins playing well equals a close game).
Week 16, @Patriots – Loss. Oh fuck. The Pats win in Foxborough, tightening up their ship before the playoffs and the Jets looking like the wheels not only have fallen off but exploded. 9-6 the Jets head into Week 17 against Buffalo… I know it’s not the exact same scenario as last year, but it’s pretty damn close…
Week 17, Bills – WIN!!! The Jets finish another year at 10-6, THIS time getting them in the playoffs. This year redemption is spelled “F-I-T-Z”. After losing to the Bills in Week 2, and seeming to have lost the season the previous 2 weeks, the Jets do it. For Buffalo, I think they finish around 9-7 – teasing their fans just enough to constantly #billieve in that playoffs birth… so Buffalo of them! The Jets qualify for the playoffs in a CLUTCH Week 17 win.
Well there you have it people. In the last two days I’ve given (I’d say) pretty realistic storylines for both our NYC teams… Maybe next week I’ll give the #BillsMafia what it wants, expand my horizons and take down the only (geographic) New York team -the Buffalo Bills… Until then, like a boner in sweatpants, I’M OUT!!!