Earlier today we were notified of Tim Tebow’s signing with the New York Mets organization… and I for one love it.
Honestly, not because I think the former Heisman can play baseball. Forget that. This guy does two things for you – he brings you closer to God… AND MAKE YOU MOTHER FUCKING MONEY!!!
I don’t need to mob you with how holy He* is. ESPN has already been doing that for years. BUT, on a more serious note, Tebow’s positivity will bring a positive “Let’s get to work” vibe that may be CLUTCH for a minor league atmosphere.
Think about it, these teams are full of kids who just got out of college and are more concerned with gaining Instagram followers and SnapChatting their lives than playing ball. Imagine a guy like Tebow walks in and is just like, “Nah boys, this is how we do it.”
Okay, maybe it won’t be exactly like that, but I could still see him being a positive influence on these kids.
Second, and easily the most powerful in America – MONEY. Name me another minor leaguer who will bring you as much attention, boost ticket sales more, AND sell more MINOR LEAGUE JERSEYS than Tim Tebow – for the COST of Tim Tebow.
Still think I’m an idiot? Here’s an example for all you fart sniffers out there:
You can hire one guy to do a job for $50, but he’ll only earn your company around $69.
You can hire Tim Tebow for $100, and he’ll make you $5,000.
If you want to challenge me and make me do the real math and research, you’re an asshole I don’t want to deal with. But this is an economic NO-BRAINER.
Listen, haters gonna hate hate hate hate hate…
So honestly, these baseball traditionalists who hate Tebow because he only has two tools – speed and power – shove it. The Mets made the move probably for money, and Tebow… will do just fine.
In Tebow We Trust,
*= the capitalized “He” is for Tebow here. God, if you’ve found your way to Water Cooler Sports, I apologize. I also want to say “my bad” for some of the stuff we say. But keep in mind your boy Jesus loved partying down here with sinners so….