There’s a lot of things in this world that are clearly fake or pointless. Flossing, separating laundry and paying for the upkeep of dorms when you commute to name a few. Here’s one though that doesn’t get talked about a lot: Ironing. Why must the world iron their clothes? Why are wrinkled clothes a sign of weakness? It shouldn’t be that way.
In short, I don’t know. It couldn’t have always been this way. No shot the monarchs of the Middle Ages ironed their robes and sashes. Is it because one guy a hundred year ago ironed his knickers and decided everyone should do it? Is there an actual reason for ironing clothes other than because it allegedly looks good?
Sure, you could say “is there a reason for” just about anything people do for looks. But let’s run through a few: Is there a reason for…..
- Mowing your lawn? – Yes because if you don’t the grass will grow high and there will be a lot of bugs and shit in your lawn and if you have a dog he might get fleas because of the high grass.
- Brushing your teeth? – Yes because you can get AIDS if enough plaque builds up.
- Dusting? – Yes because dust carries bacteria or something and also some people have allergies.
But what’s the reasoning for ironing? Does it kill bacteria? Does it repel evil spirits? No it just takes wrinkles out of your shirt. Well you know what? It’s bullshit that ironing is a goddamn expectation in the world. My wrinkled shirt doesn’t indicate my yearly income, the type of person I am nor the type of life I lead yet I get grouped in with poor people and drug dealers.
Ironing should be like making your bed. Some people make their bed, and others don’t. It’s preference and no normal person makes someone feel bad about their bed not being made. If someone doesn’t make their bed, it doesn’t mean they are a scumbag, just like if I have a few wrinkles in my shirt, it doesn’t mean I’m jobless. Plus, much like the argument against making your bed, you’re just going to get wrinkles in your shirt during the day anyways so what’s the fucking point?
And another thing about ironing; it’s such a goddamn process. You have to have an ironing board which is like the size of a goddamn surfboard and room to store the ironing board. Then you have to wait for your stupid iron to heat up and pour water in it. Then when you can finally start ironing, the water you just put into the iron, dumps out all over your shirt* and now you have a hot, wet shirt. Oh and did I mention that a hot iron is a HUGE safety and fire hazard? But still we do it.
It’s just bullshit that the ironing industry owns our lives so much. You can’t have an iron without an ironing board. And you know what else they make? Fucking IRONING BOARD COVERS! So you need a cover for the board that you just bought. Well how about you just make the goddamn ironing board so that it doesn’t need a cover? Fuck you, ironing industry. Mark my words: I will never use an iron on a piece of my clothing ever again. I’m team #NoIroning.
I’m Ketch. And I don’t iron. Who’s with me?
PS – I will continue to use Downy Wrinkle Release not only because it gets wrinkles out of your clothes, but it smells really good. I am also not against having suits pressed.
*I’m very bad at using irons which is why water pours out of the iron.