Before the Giants, Jets and Bills season, I wrote them each a piece – very realistic pieces – predicting their entire seasons. BUT, without seeing the chemistry of the new “Jackson 5” in New York, I didn’t want to waste 700 hours writing this. Instead, I spent like a week or two on this and just trusted my gut… Without further ado, a look ahead to the Knicks season!!
10/25 @Cavs. King James coming off winning his third ring will not care this early in the season about winning a meaningless game. There will be the banner ceremony and blah, blah, blah – but winning this regular season game to the Knicks will not motivate him… On the flip-side, this is the Knicks time to show everyone that they ARE in fact a “super team”. I say the Knicks come out swinging and the undefeated season starts here.
10/29 Grizzlies. Three days rest after beating the King on his turf will be nice… What will be nicer is showing off our new toys off to an ELECTRIC crowd at MSG. I can already hear Mike Breen’s voice telling me how loud it is at the Garden. I think this team goes OFF in Manhattan. “The Garden is Eden”. This team will be off to the races after smoking the Grizz (who again, don’t really give a shit about playing the Knicks, on the road, early in the season).
11/1 @Pistons. I literally laughed for 20 minutes after seeing this roster. Besides Andre Drummond, I don’t know they won 44 games last year – must’ve gotten lucky or something… Anyway, keep in mind the Knicks are coming off two BIG wins against Western playoff teams, and will now, almost certainly, play down to their opponent. But as former KNICK (…and Piston) great Chauncey Billups once said – “You don’t have to play good all the time, just when it matters” (that is a loose quote as it is only backed up by my memory… don’t quote Chauncey here but it was something like that). The reason it applies here is that the Knicks will stumble into a close game here, maybe have to play good in the final minutes, but now that we have actual talented players on the team AND a bench, we’ll be able to pull it out. If Rose wants to take it, take it. If Rose wants to drive and kick – he’s got KP, Melo and Lee who will all absolutely bury a clutch shot. Game over. Knicks win.
11/2 Rockets. We literally have a better player at every position. This is their depth chart on ESPN – Patrick Beverly, James Harden, Trevor Ariza, Ryan Anderson and Clint Capela. With the exception of Harden being a great shooter and Ariza simply getting EDGED out by Melo… Our lineup pees on these guys. Not to mention they’ve been picking up OUR bench scraps for years – Pablo Prigioni, Corey Brewer… Bruh, if you want to win you don’t start picking up ex-Knick players. Jesus! EASY win. Probably over 20.
11/4 @Bulls. Rose and Noah return to Chicago more fired up than ever. They’ll be sky high, fired up after their red hot 4-0 start and now they get the chance to show their former team what they’re missing. I think Chicago will show a not-so-warm welcome like the scumbags they are… only serving to fire our boys up more. I don’t know why but I see Courtney Lee quietly having a nice game here, like 20+ and just having his way with D-Wade covering him – a match-up that will show Chicago fans what they can expect out of Wade’s “Million Mile Knees”. Knicks win.
11/6 Jazz. Wow, for starters, as a Knicks fan, I’m just beyond thrilled that we could start the season 5-0. And now we welcome the Jazz to MSG in a potential NBA Championship match-up (probably not, but the possibility is there). I think this one will come down to the wire… It will be one of those games where everyone seems to regress – Melo takes the ball, iso’s too much, shoots 25+ times. Just a game where we fans are watching thinking: “This isn’t the team we watched go 5-0 to start the season…” Just ugly basketball from the Knicks BUT, I still say we get the win. Mostly because the Jazz suck and at this point in the young season, Joe Johnson will still think he should be the leader and take the final shots, which he is so far from it’s crazy. Knicks win.
11/9 Nets. Do I need to give backup here? Easy win. This will be the exact kind of win we’ll need to forget the fact that Hilary cheated and won the presidency. There will be “Linsanity” in the air but that won’t be enough for the bottom feeder Nets to steal a win from this Super Team. I think at this point in the season, we’re already seeing signs of Willy Hernangomez being a rockstar off the bench. I see this as a game where he comes in and has a block party on this much smaller Nets roster. Knicks win by 25. O my god, where did this team come from?
11/11 @Celtics. Shipping up to Boston will promise a challenge for this Knicks team. That Celtics team is a group of young successful and talented players. BUT, I see flaws in Isaiah Thomas – he’s a quantity shooter that always seems like he’s on the verge of a mental meltdown. He’s yet to have a big one but his career is still very green behind the ears. I think Thomas has one of these fuck-ups early in the year, and the Knicks catch the Celtics on a rough night. Between Rose and Jennings, Isaiah’s hands are full and it’s just a Boston disaster.
11/12 @Raptors. Can I start by asking “How?” How in the hell did a team with two quantity shooters – DeRozan and Lowry make it to the Eastern Finals, AND give the Cav’s a run?? It makes no sense to me. So no, fuck no. No way Toronto beats the Knicks. I think we head to Canada, beat this fluke of a team (last year) and head home. Toronto will view us as a team they can beat up on, and why not, they’ve done it for years, but then we show them we aren’t the same team. Now the entire association is paying attention to the New York Knicks.
11/14 Mavericks. Now here is a roster I REALLY like. Bogut, Barnes, Nowitzki, D-Williams and Wes Matthews… They all have been a part of winning organizations, they all have had some playoff success, I think the Mavericks will be a top tier team in 2016-17. Like maybe compete with the Spurs/Warriors based on their old man hunger to win… That said, this is November. They’re playing on the road in front of the Garden – a Garden that will be soaked in gasoline ready to explode as the Knicks may reach 10-0 to start the season. This shouldn’t be a win, but it will be. The fans, the atmosphere, the chance to start 10-0… This is it. Mavericks, you are a great team, but no way the Knicks lose tonight.
11/16 Pistons. Game 11 and the Knicks are home hosting a lowly Pistons team. By this time in November, Hornacek has the Knicks looking like legitimate contenders. Jennings is playing up to his “Sixth Man of the Year” prediction and Melo seems to be re-energized by playing with guys of this kind of talent. The Pistons are going to try to avenge that loss from earlier in the month, but as I’ve said before – this Knicks team is NOT the team that will fall, certainly not easily to a shitty Detroit team. 11 straight.
11/17 @Wizards. This team with Trey Burke and John Wall are maybe the only team in the league with TWO points guards who are as talented as ours… I am a huge fan of both. However, there are five players on the court at a time, and we have just too much talent. I’m even going to go so far as to say Joakim takes the night off to bang a few models and we still win big in the capital. I can hear Clyde say it now, “K-Ppp with all the libertyy in the capital tonight!”
11/20 Hawks. One of the best teams in the east here. Although Dwight is a punk, he is still a threat. From Bazemore to Korver to Bucknell legend Mike Muscala… This team is a stud-squad. I think Atlanta will blow us out early and the Garden will be afraid to come back for the second half… but then something amazing happens at the Mecca. Jeff Hornacek will remind this team they need to play inspired basketball and have fun. Jennings will come out the gates in the 2nd half and the Garden will be fun again. This is going to be an outlandish 20+ point comeback – the type the Knicks have typically made in the past, but never end up actually winning the game… But this year is different. Knicks win in DRAMATIC fashion.
11/22 Trailblazers. This, the 14th game, will be KP’s true “Don’t fuck with me” coming out party. I see this as a big night down low for our little unicorn. They’ll throw Ezeli at him – no problem. Plumlee – easy. Maybe even at some point they let him snack on Stiemsma. KP with a BIG “big man game” and he gets like 5 blocks, tons of boards and just eats them alive in post scoring. And, an oh by the way, Connaughton (who is a stud) will go on fire at some point just draining threes and looking like a goddamn Steve Novak out there. Just nnot enough for this Super Team.
11/25 Hornets. This is a very nicely built team, but at the Garden with a 15 game win streak on the line, New York will be HOT AF. No chance Spike Lee lets some hooligans from Charlotte come into our house and win. Maybe the Hornets SHOULD get this win, the Knicks probably get outplayed for most of it, but the Garden (Eden), I’m sure of it, will WILL this team to a victory.
11/26 @Hornets. Okay, who is the jackass at the NBA who decided two games against the same opponent two nights in a row OVER 600 MILES AWAY?! I honestly hope we just say fuck it, and give Melo, Rose and Joakim the go-ahead to skip the trip. Why? Because those old legs don’t need this. Let’s give Willy the green light to start. Let’s give Jennings one of those “prove to the world you deserve a big deal still” nights. And let’s give KP a chance to play with this younger team – can he handle being “the guy”? I also see this as a chance to give Chasson Randle a few minutes in a meaningful game. I see this like a Yanks game this past September – let’s put young guys in big roles and see what we got in our future. And guess what? It’ll look bright. Knicks win big as the Hornets are tired from getting their ass kicked the night before in New York AND having to make the trip home. Melo, Rose and Noah will await this team back at JFK WITH ARMS WIDE OPEN!!!
11/28 Thunder. With our stars rested this will be a rejuvenated, already-rolling Knicks team. On the flip-side, Westbrook is going to be averaging 30+ points per game coming into the Garden. Just a dominating beast, the likes of which we haven’t seen since AI. Unfortunately, this league isn’t dominated by one player anymore or LeBron would have 11 titles. I see a stellar game here by Russ but the Super Team is just too complete. Also, by this point in the season, the 7’7″ Captain Jack Sparrow (aka Steven Adams) will be exposed as last year’s flash in the pan and also probably have any one of the innumerable big man injuries that keeps enormous humans like him out of the league (foot bruistis, back problems, or in his case potentially scurvy). Knicks win again.
11/30 @T’Wolves. I know my boy C-Griggs wrote a nice piece on the Wolves, how they’re up and coming and such an exciting team with Andrew Wiggins and KAT, but bruh – we got Melo. We got Rose. We got KP. Oh, and by the way Lee and Jennings and Noah. This isn’t even a tough call in my head. The hardest part is traveling to Minnesota (which I literally picture Flint, MI from Semi-Pro every time I try to picture Minneapolis). Knicks win easy.
12/2 T’Wolves. God damnit. Is the NBA kidding? Earlier this year I would’ve worked for the association in LITERALLY any capacity (and trust me I tried), and they have jackasses like these scheduling people. I as a BASKETBALL fan am pissed. I don’t want to see the same product this twice in 3 nights… FUCK!!! I hate that. Regardless, same teams, same results. Bring it home to Eden and win this easy.
12/4 Kings. This is where ESPN, starts really talking history… “20 Straight Wins”. “Super Team – Derrick Rose was right!!” “Warriors, who?” “Charles Barkley knew exactly what he was talking about – who knew!!” Honestly, a Tuesday night, home game with the “Boogie & the Kings” will make Wednesday just 100% more difficult to get up and get to work – as if it’s not hard enough. 20 start, Knicks are ROLLING. Side-prediction: Walt the Clyde starts to realize that his suit collection isn’t the main attraction in Knicks Fandom anymore and he goes out and purchases a 100% real Grizzly Bear fur coat – a la The Revenant.
12/6 @Heat. “Welcome to Miami.” I genuinely think this team is going to be really good this year – and they aren’t just a favorite of mine for a stupid reason like because “James Johnson and Ketch are eskimo brothers”. Nah, I just really think Goran Dragic plays fucking hard ugly hustle ball and I like that – a real scrapper. I also know Justice Winslow is C-Griggs boy, and I like to give him props – he picks his guys carefully and so I’m gonna say this team is a Top 4 East team this year… But tonight in Miami, the Knicks GIVE IT to the Heat. I could easily see Rose and Jennings just being nightmares for Dragic, and we just put blow these fuckers out. It’ll be an uncharacteristic big loss by the Heat. 15-plus.
12/7 Cavs. A rematch of when the Knicks ruined King James and the boys Ring Ceremony on opening night… The Cavs will be here to play. At first I was thinking we are going to see 250+ points dropped, EASILY. But then I realized we are a team of Gruden Grinders – Noah is going to fuck people’s days up. There’s no way he’d allow a game like that – he and big Willy, no way. Melo leads the offense, Noah stops LeBron and Melo drops big points on the other end. I love the way this Knicks team legitimately can beat any team on any night, and December 7th will prove that.
12/9 @Kings. Now I know we played them 5 days ago, but I was more focused on OUR 20 game win momentum than the opposition… But by this point I’m going to imagine that Boogie has fist-fought everyone on the roster. I bet Afflalo will be hurt (because why wouldn’t he be?) and I honestly could see Cauley-Stein (who I think is awesome btw, BIG fan) arrested on like guns charges or something unreal. I just see this team as such a train-wreck that by December, not a shot we’ll have to play them hard to get a win. Knicks smoke the Kings.
12/11 @Lakers. They are on the right path – a few young guys that might put something together eventually. But they paid Mozgov so much money I could literally punch my adorable dog right square in her face… Honestly, wtf were they thinking?! HIS NAME IS “TIMOFEY”!! I cannot believe we ever even had this guy, let alone that he’s made it in the league, or that he’s making $16 million this year. WTF?!?!?!? Side-note, love Swaggy P, think he’s hilarious… but this is a New York win. – tie the record for most consecutive wins to start the year. Bang bang.
12/13 @Suns. Horny is going to have the guys prepped for this one. Playing the old team, at the old office. This is his Super Bowl. This is Rex Ryan vs the Patriots – and we know how that went this year! I say #KnicksTape smoke the Suns, at their game – cuz Hornacek is going to be a GREAT coach… I can’t wait to call him my Father-in-Law. 25 straight, record set, let’s gooo.
12/15 @Warriors. Since this is realistic, I have to tell it like it is. Yes, the Knicks are a Super Team, but so are the Warriors… NOT!!! I honestly could see this Warrors experiment of talent fluttering at this point in the season. It’ll be early enough for ESPN to be going crazy that the Warriors suck – even though their record will have them near the top the West. Regardless, I like the edge we have in the toughness department. That liberal west coast can’t grind with New York City boys. The Warriors – just like Durant – are Charmin soft. They can’t bang with the big boys. The Knicks just continue to roll damn ride.
12/17 @Nuggets. The Nuggets may have three of my favorite small forwards in the league – Mike Miller, Wilson Chandler and Gallo. But unfortunately for them, in their best position (of which you can only play 1 or 2 of them probably), we have Melo. It’s great to have depth but when you can’t play all three of those studs and the rest of your team is pure butt-cheeks, it’s hard for me to not predict a New York win here.
12/20 Pacers. This team also will be BAD. We have a nice stretch of easy games here – and thank god. Give our top guys a break from this brutal 82-game grind of an NBA season. Beyond Paul George and Al Jefferson, I’m not sure what they plan to do with this team. Jeff Teague is their point guard and while he may be an eskimo bro of a fellow writer on WCS, he still is not a great PG. So, in summation, Knicks win because Jennings and Rose put the Pacers outmatched PG’s in body bags.
12/22 Magic. Beyond Serge and Biyombo – which don’t get me wrong, together form a great front-court, this team sucks. I genuinely think they will struggle to drop over 85 in a night consistently. I give Orlando a SOLID 25 wins this season and not one of those 25 will come on December 22nd, not against the Jackson 5. Courtney Lee playing the team he started his career with will have a night and a half in his new home. Life will be good as we look ahead to the C’s on Christmas.
12/25 Celtics. Game 30 – Christmas Day. I probably will be wearing my new Herb Williams jersey (maybe?) at this point, fresh off the boat from China (shout-out to AliExpress.com). The feels will be good that day and I can’t wait. Egg nog in my belly, I get to watch the Knicks give it to the Celtics – who I feel (just like last year) will be the team that is one Superstar away from being legit. Knicks on the other hand have 2 superstars, a unicorn, and two really solid role players that form to be one of the best 5 in the league… And oh by the way, we have Brandon Jennings off the bench – probably would be the best PG on the Celtics roster (yes, I am calling Isaiah Thomas out… he’s Nate Robinson 2.0). Knicks win, my Christmas is perfect and the Knicks have started out the season with THIRTY STRAIGHT WINS!!!
12/28 @Hawks. I said this when they played in November, I really like the constitution of this team. I think at this point though, the fact that the Knicks will just be having fun BALLING OUT, because I mean let’s face it – winning is everything and makes life better. We’ll be seeing Melo smile, Kristaps spread his wings (his unicorn wings that is), Derrick Rose is buying everyone sex belts and not worrying about the price! LIFE IS GOOD. Too much for Atlanta to overcome. Knicks win.
12/30 @Pelicans. Buddy Hield, Lance Stephenson. Anthony Davis. Langston Galloway. While this may be a fun team to watch at times, Lance is still to volatile. So you’re leaving me with Langston Galloway (good but not Rose or Jennings, hence why we let him go), Buddy Hield (young and unproven, but excited to see this), and Anthony Davis. Fine, we can have KP6 and the unibrow go at it. This would be a great way to spend a night. Watching two STUDS go at it. But the problem for the Pelicans is that their best player evens up with our rising star. We have a handful of other guys to throw at them that they can’t handle. Knicks handily beat the Pelicans. Over 15.
12/31 @Rockets. We end the year with the Cockets. I said it when we played them in Game 4 of this year – we are better all around. However, this time around it’s in Houston. I could see the Knicks thinking: “We already won 32 games, like does it really matter if we play these schmucks to win??” And maybe that’s how they think throughout their flight from New Orleans to Houston. Maybe that’s how they think for the first quarter, maybe even the second and we’re down like 15-20 and everything looks BAD. Melo looks unhappy (again) and maybe Noah just looks bored and ugly (ugly is not really this game specific, he’s just an ugly mo-fo all the time). And then, guess who – HORNY HORNACEK GIVES THE GREATEST HALFTIME SPEECH OF ALL TIME!!! He gets these guys to come out the gates in the 2nd half and just mop the floor with James Harden’s beard. Knicks win and heading into 2017, the Knicks are 33-0. You heard it here first. COUNT IT!!!
So there you have it folks. The most realistic outlook on a team of such a high caliber, I wake up every morning tighter slacks that all the hipsters I work with. Knicks Tape 2016-17 is going to be a magical ride. Can’t wait to enjoy it with you all.
In Porzingod We Trust,