Alright, so enough is enough…
I am the guy that gets very heated over things that MAYBE I shouldn’t… Things that are stupid as fuck and, I don’t know, just set me off and I lose my mind, get everyone is a fucking huge argument where you’re either with me or against me. Yeah, I’m a psycho.
Here’s a quick example… Flashback to August 20th, when Ketch & I were visiting Miller down in Baltimore and we, with a bunch of others in our POSSE, attended the Orioles game. There came a moment where I just lost my goddamn mind over Ketch claiming he could dunk a golf ball.
Now, I am not going to get into that again because that could probably still make me blow a gasket…
But since I clearly have mental issues and it may be fun to explore this rage, I decided a “Freakout Friday” could be a recurring segment where I just EXPLODE on things that probably shouldn’t be exploded on (like your old Aunt Milly’s face).
So, today I’m looking at Big Fudge, my co-host and eventually (totally no homo here) husband*.
Big Fudge has difficulty determining was is and is not a chair.
For example, he knows THIS is a chair:
And furthermore, he knows THIS is a couch:
However, he has trouble determining what this one is (and I won’t even say what I think before you see the photo):
Okay, I’m going to take a breath before this but…
Big Fudge thinks this fucking this is… A GODDAMN COUCH.
How in the living fuck could this be a couch you may ask? How could someone with a college degree think that is a couch? HOW COULD ANYONE BE SO STUBBORN AND IGNORE THE LOGIC OF ME (AND ANYONE I’VE EVER ASKED ABOUT THIS) STILL THINK THIS IS A FUCKING COUCH?!?!
Because Big Fudge, and his infinite wisdom, believes that because it is cushioned it is a couch…
Let that one sink in.
He and I got into it today for the 7,069th time, and for my first “Freakout Friday” I wanted everyone to know what a goddamn idiot Big Fudge is in this Couch/Chair debate.
It’s not even a question, it’s not even close to a question. This thing is a chair so clearly that only a dumbass would think otherwise.
Here’s a quick fact: A chair seats one person.
Here’s another fact: This piece of furniture seats one person.
Yes, there are cushioned chairs; they exist. Exhibit A:
And call me nuts, that ^ is NOT A FUCKING COUCH!!!
Big Fudge has made other claims that this isn’t a chair because he’s fit more than one person on it… Guess what else can fit more than one person? A FUCKING TANDEM BICYCLE BUT PEOPLE DON’T CALL THAT A FUCKING COUCH!!!
Hey Big Fudge, here’s a picture of the Ryan brother’s riding a mother fucking couch around… jackass.
Okay, now that I am absolutely certain I have made my point, I’m going to end this unreal venting session.
Big Fudge, you are 100% wrong. I will fight you tooth and nail on this until we’re both on our deathbeds (Notebook style) and then maybe even further, unless you finally come to your senses and concede.
He most recently was quoted as saying it is up to each individual to determine whether this is a chair or not… FUCK NO.
Why? We need to stop this liberalism bullshit from allowing us to think a monkey is a donkey because they both have buttholes. THAT is the scary path of logic Big Fudge wants us to go down.
Fuck no. I won’t stand for.
Can’t Stop, Won’t Stop,
*= Btw, no worries guys, it’s a tax purposes/insurance thing. We really would just be straight dudes who hook up with chicks and don’t get jealous about it but otherwise do everything married people do like hang out, eat together, “Netflix & Chill” and 69-fist.