Well that was a hell of a tweet.  I’m actually not sure if I’ve ever read a tweet that was so, shall we say, thought provoking.  First thought that came to my mind was “what exactly is a ‘masturbation incident’?”  When I’m seeing buzzwords like “hazing” and “masturbation” and “incident” I’m starting to imagine that maybe there was some blades or sharp things involved.  Maybe some blood loss.  Maybe we had an instance like that guy in Africa who almost died because he used his wedding ring as a cock ring.  The next thing that came to mind was “why the hell am I trying to figure this out?” But that thought quickly dissolved because let’s face it, this had about a 1000% chance of being a hilarious story.  

According to multiple articles I read about this event (disregard the fact that I read multiple articles about this), it would appear as though a group of latino baseball players from Venezuela and Panama were hazing a new prospect.  In doing so, they tied him onto a bed bondage style and jerked him off.  Someone who was there intelligently posted this on snapchat and now the guys doing the hazing are facing criminal charges.  However, everyone involved, including the guy getting the handjob were smiling and laughing.  Because of this, one may think “well what’s the harm? It’s just some very weird and gay hazing thing that grown men do.  Boys will be boys!” but the problem is that the guy who was getting masturbated was underage.  Real bummer.

A couple things on the actual act:  First, I was a bullpen catcher in college and had to endure some kind of initiation.  This included taking shots of shitty liquor and being locked in a small closet with the other freshman while we all pissed and puked on each other.  It was a lot of fun and did not involve any touching of the genitals.  I think the rugby team at our school had to like drink piss and old beer out of an actual boot, but other than that there really wasn’t anything too over the top that I had heard of.  Maybe this is just the MLB way of hazing?  Like what I went through was college initiation and MLB initiation takes it up a notch?  Kind of like how the three point line is further in the NBA than it is in college.  Who knows.

Second, I was wondering if they had given the prospect the old Dutch Rudder if this would still be a story.  Just food for thought there.

Anyways, it then came out that two of the prospects involved in the giving of the handjob were a top catching prospect and Rougned Odor’s little brother, also named Rougned Odor.  This has got to be a tough blow for MLB Rougned Odor.  He’s kind of built his career of being this gritty tough guy who DGAF.  He plays hard and throws haymakers at superstars and fucks bitches.  But now, now he’s the guy who has a little brother that touches other guys dicks.  I mean it would be one thing if Minor League Rougned Odor was just a gay dude.  You couldn’t knock him if that was the case.  Would you get pissed at a straight dude for grabbing some pussy?*  But a straight dude jacking another guy off, man that’s tough to talk your way out of.  

https://media.giphy.com/media/pcina0qsiPeWQ/giphy.gif

I mean if I’m Jose Bautista, the first chance I get next season I’m sliding into second base hard and when MLB Rougned calls me a pussy, I’m just barking back something about his brother flogging another man’s dolphin.  There’s literally nothing that MLB Rougned can say to combat that.  Like Bautista being a pussy is subjective, but MLB Rougned’s little brother masturbating another guy for the fun of it is an objective fact.  

Christmas dinner is probably going to be a very tense scene at the Odor household this year.  What I’d give to be a fly on the wall.

 

*Political reference

 

@WhatAKetchWCS