Last night I was informed of these two brothers, John & Kurt Schwartz, who plan to row across the Atlantic Ocean as a part of some race or something – while also raising awareness for a good cause #fuckcancer.
The thing that caught my eye and BLEW MY FUCKING MIND was that these two brothers plan to row this thing naked.
Great question, reader of this blog! They believe it will decrease chafing…
Okay, I get that chafing could become an issue maybe under the arms, or your ass or thighs or something… Not to brag, but I’ve rowed a few strokes in my day (literally couldn’t have rowed over 3 miles) so I basically am an expert. And as an expert, here’s my thing… Wear fucking short shorts, or boxers, or SOMETHING. Sure, chafing would suck – but maybe sunburn on your dick would suck a little bit more!
I don’t want to bash these fellas as they are doing this for a noble cause and I #re2pect that. But I couldn’t miss an unbelievable opportunity to fire out some FUEGO one liners their way, you know, to promote the cause…
Boy that sounds like a hard row.
Bro #1: “What time is it?”
Bro #2: “Hold on while I rev up my sun dial…”
At what point are brothers too close?
What do you think they’ll use to lure fish in?
I can’t wait until ESPN does a “30 for 30: Brokeback Ocean” on this.
Bro #1: “Hey bro, I can’t reach there, can you lotion me up?”
Sequel to the show “Naked and Afraid”… how about “Naked and Shriveled: But at least not Chafed”??
Bro #1 (on day 14): “Bro, the deck is holding up pretty good considering…”
**Bro #2 looks down**
Bro #1: “I said ‘deck’, not ‘dick’!”
Bro #1: “You know what would be an A+ Instagram post right now…?”
Bro #2: “Not the ‘I’m king of the…’”
Not Enough SPF in the World,