About a week and a half from today, we set sail with Chris Harrison on the SS Nick V. The Bachelor is BACK. Roses are BACK. Harrison is BACK. And even Nick V is BACK.
No one says They say fourth time’s a charm. Now I’m really not sure how Nick V got the call. It seemed like we had a perfectly good candidate in Luke, but rumor has it #BachelorNation fell in love with Nick V during Bachelor in Paradise? As someone that watches the Bachelor franchise religiously, this was news to me.
I imagine Harrison showing up to the Vail household asking Nick how many times he’d like to be on a Bachelor show and Nick V responding this way:
But whatever. It’ll be nice not liking the Bachelor/ette right off the bat instead of feeling bad about hating them by the end of the season. Nick V is such a creep. He’s so whiny and it’s hilarious when he cries so he’s going to give us some great content.
However, Nick V will only bring us half of the entertainment as we have a new crop of betches vying for his love. 30 girls, in fact that for some reason wanted a chance a love with Nick V.
Last year I spent more time than I’d like to admit setting Vegas Odds and breaking down each of the girls in what turned out to be about a 4,000,000 word blog. I decided to take a different route this year do five or six different previews where we look at a few girls each blog. This will be the first of the series. But before we start looking at the girls, let’s look at our Bachelor, Nick V:
Career Bachelor Record: 0-3
Highlights: Reaching the finals of The Bachelorette in back to back seasons, and losing. Being accused of being sneaky, creepy and a little bitch by other contestants.
Rivals: Josh Murray and Shawn B. I know there’s almost a 0% chance this happens, but I do hope that during episode one, Josh shows up and just says “No this is my show now” and Nick just leaves.
People Forget That: Nick is fucking 36 years old. I’m not positive, but that’s got to be some kind of a record for oldest Bachelor. It also takes a whole new level of weird when there’s girls on the show that are 22-23 years old. Yikes.
Alright now for the women. I’ll give their age, occupation, best answer, worst answer and Vegas Odds
Alexis, 23 Years Old from Secaucus, NJ
Occupation: Aspiring Dolphin Trainer. Off to a hot start.
Best Answer: When asked if she could be a fictional character who she would choose she said Ariel from the Little Mermaid. Solid choice. Ariel is sexy when she has legs.
Worst Answer: Asked her worst date moment and she said her ex-boyfriend told her she had a mustache at a Giants game. This is the “worst answer” because why would he tell you that if you didn’t have a mustache? Food for thought.
Vegas Odds: +2000 – Alexis is cute, but this is exactly what I was talking about before. She’s only 23. Nick is 13 years older than her. He was already masturbating when she was born. Let that sink in for a second.
Angela, Age 26 from Greenville, SC
Occupation: Model. Alright, Angela. We get it.
Best Answer: If she never had to *blank* she would be very happy. Angela chose drive herself anywhere. Great answer.
Worst Answer: Worst date experience was her date writing down “Batman” when they had to put a name in for a table. She also added in a “so immature.” Okay, fun sponge. I guess you hate laughing and joking you psycho. Putting down another name when waiting for a table is hilarious. That’s why I try to put down the name “Stapp” as much as possible so I feel like Scott Stapp.
Vegas Odds: +1050 – Angela looks like she has staying power.
Astrid, Age 26, from Tampa, FL
Occupation: Plastic Surgery Office Manager. Lotta buzz words in this occupation.
Best Answer: No answer really stood out, but if she never had to work she would be very happy. Kind of an “uhh no shit” answer, but a good answer nonetheless.
Worst Answer: If she could be a fictional character she chose the little mermaid BEFORE she had legs. Get bent.
Vegas Odds: +1000 – So if history tells us anything, it’s that Nick likes tallish, fit, brunettes that don’t have bangs (Andi, Kaitlyn, Jennifer). Astrid fits that profile.
Briana, Age 28 from Salt Lake City, UT
Occupation: Surgical Unit Nurse
Best Answer: Favorite movies listed as Zoolander, awesome. How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, solid chick flick and Shawshank Redemption, excellent. Also when asked to choose if she could be a fruit or veggie what she would choose she said a pineapple. Not sure why, but it just seemed like a pretty good answer to me. Her guilty pleasure is a Big Mac and one of the things she said she can’t live without is socks, which is random, but a pretty solid answer.
Worst Answer: Honestly Briana did a great job answering questions. I have no qualms with her.
Vegas Odds: 1350 – She’s not as pretty as the previous three girls, but she answered the shit out of those questions.
**Update: We are 4/4 in girls saying they’d be a dolphin if they could be any animal.
Brittany, Age 26 from Santa Monica, CA
Occupation: Travel Nurse
Best Answer: Her answer to how she would impress a man was to cook him dinner. Big fan of that answer. Better be a good dinner, though.
Worse Answer: I was between two with her. The first was her answer to whether or not she liked camping. Brittany said “a lot!” Now I like camping, but the enthusiasm from Brittany makes me think she might be the type of girl to never let you just sit on the couch and do nothing, which is the best. The other answer is that she admires Beyonce the most. Can’t trust anyone who admires Beyonce more than anyone in the world.
Vegas Odds: +1400. A bit plain.
And the last girl for today….
Christen, Age 25 from Tulsa, OK
Alright first, there is no way she is 25.
Occupation: Wedding Videographer
Best Answer: Her guiltiest pleasure was watching Dancing with the Stars and pausing the show to practice the dance moves. Psycho move? Absolutely. But as far as answer the question of “what is your guiltiest pleasure” that pretty much hits the nail on the head.
Worst Answer: Other than lying about her age, if she could be anyone else for the day she chose the president. Why the hell would anyone want to be the president? That’s too hard. I don’t know what my answer would be, but it wouldn’t be the president.
Special Bonus: Saddest Answer- When asked her biggest fear, she said “failure.”
Vegas Odds: +1275 – Look for Christen to make some noise and become a villain.
Alright so that wraps up the first preview. Next time we will take a look at Corinne, Danielle L, Danielle M, Dominique, Elizabeth “Liz” and other Elizabeth.
Also keep an eye out for our first ever Bachelor Podcast that will be coming out before the New Year!