A (belated) Merry Christmas to all!! I hope everyone had an awesome time stuffing their faces and getting drunk on egg nog all day the past few days… I know I have and it was wonderful. Also, yes, I did say “Merry Christmas” and not “Happy Holidays”… why? Because this is Trump’s America, and we probably get jailed FOR being politically correct. So yeah – Merry Christmas Ya Filthy Animals!!
Anyways, here we are again, it’s December and – we’ve found ourselves stumbling into the playoffs!!! We lost Week 16 and still found a way to get in. Am I scared of what kind of team we are heading into the playoffs? Yes, and why not?! The offense looks brutal and even if we continue to hold teams to ridiculously low scores – it seems our offense only BARELY can keep pace…
Whatever, let’s move past how shitty our offense is… Let’s look ahead and see who we could potentially play in the first round:
Green Bay. In Lambeau? I fucking hate this. Sure we’ve done it before, but Aaron Rodgers in Lambeau literally seems like the match-up from hell. I know their defense isn’t great, they rank 22nd allowing 24 points per game, and they don’t run the ball well (though Ty Montgomery is scary AF in the backfield)… I know this. But Aaron Rodgers makes me sweat more than a blind lesbian at a fish store… There’s just that magic in Lambeau in winter that I want to steer clear from. Regardless, let me just say this – if we beat Green Bay in Lambeau I will really start to feel the magic.
Detroit. We just took beat them at MetLife in a low scoring, gross game. I think our boys were fired up, being in front of the home crowd gave us a boost. Playing in Detroit doesn’t scare me, but the rise of Frat Stafford sure does. Luckily he’s got that middle finger shit going on, and maybe that lingers for a few weeks and fucks him up. They’re on a two game skid themselves and with their next game against Green Bay, they could potentially be looking at 3-straight heading into that first round. I don’t fear this team nearly as much so despite my love for Stafford, I kinda hope for this.
Atlanta. Here is another potential match-up with a team that doesn’t nearly scare me as much as maybe I should be. Atlanta has only posted a 4-3 record at home this year, and while their offense puts up points in bunches, their defense has been atrocious. Not to mention, even great offenses when playing Big Blue this year, don’t put up very many points (see points against: vs Detroit – 6, vs Dallas – 7 and vs New Orleans – 13). Hot Lanta, you already took Big Sexy from us this year, you’re not getting a playoff win against us too.
Seattle. Okay, now we’re talking about the big boys again. I don’t want to play against the 12th man. Qualcomm Stadium alone is a feared opponent, forget that Seattle basically is what we are: a sub-par offense with a stout defense… oh, except that they’re a little bit better at both (The Giants have scored 291 points while allowing only 274, and the Seahawks have put up 329, while only yielding 269). I think they rank as #2 on “List of Teams-I-Want-to-Avoid-Playing-At’s Stadiums”. Regardless, Pete Carroll is a cheater #neverforget and I’d enjoy kicking his ass in Seattle.
So, in order, who I want to see Round 1: #1 Falcons. #2 Lions, #3 Seahawks, #4 Packers… All four made it this far for a reason, they’re all good teams. I just want to avoid going to stadiums that suck to play in if we’re being honest.
Also, will be rooting for a Packers-Lions tie next weekend… Ties are great and would be a hilarious way for Washington to miss the postseason.
This is Our Year,