Well guys, here we have it – the fucking NFL playoffs have arrived and despite having the “Connor Cook versus Brock Osweiler” game leading the way, I am beyond fired up for this weekend.
I want to go quick through the four games – who I’m taking down our road to Houston and my bets for Wild Card Weekend.
Saturday, 4:35pm – Raiders @ Texans. This is the game to watch, LET ME TELL YA. Nothing like Connor Cook and Brock Osweiler, just two gunslingers letting their dicks swing to determine who’s in and who’s out in the AFC. Here’s what we know about Cook – he was a stud at Michigan State. Here’s what we know about Brock Osweiler – he sucks in the NFL and looks like a complete pussy loser. My money goes to Cook and the Raiders (+3.5). Mark Davis will be driving around in his 1997 minivan blasting “We are the Champions”.
Saturday, 8:15pm – Lions @ Seahawks. This one hurts. I love Frat Stafford and I love Golden Tate. I WANT Detroit here. However, this game being played in Seattle sucks for the Lions and unfortunately, while I won’t be rooting for it, I think Russell and his finally emptied nutsack (shoutout to Ciara there) will rally behind the 12th man and Seattle punches its ticket to the next round. However, I’m taking the Lions (+8) out of #re2pect to Stafford & Co. Fuck that, eight points is too much.
Sunday, 1:05pm – Dolphins @ Steelers. I don’t think there is a person in America right now who thinks the Matt Moore-led Dolphins will go into Pittsburgh and not be a complete embarrassment to the game of football. (Side-note: how did the Dolphins make the playoffs? Was I really out of touch with the AFC this much to have them fly under the radar for like 4 months?) Regardless, Pittsburgh (-10) almost doesn’t seem like a big enough spread. Steelers roll.
Sunday, 4:40pm – Giants @ Packers. Taking my fanhood out of this – holy shit what a matchup. On one hand, you have Aaron Rodgers with one of the hottest teams in football, having won six games in a row heading into the postseason in the Packers against the Giants who’ve won nine of their last eleven games – two of which were December games against other NFC playoff teams. Lambeau is looking to be a SWELTERING 15 degrees on Sunday so I’m sure Green Bay will be all boned up about playing in “their” weather. I think Green Bay may start out with an early lead, maybe 10 points or so, but Eli will do Eli things and pull this one out. Regardless, Giants (+4.5) seems like an absolute no brainer.
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