Another week down and another week closer to Nick finding (or not finding) love for eternity. This marks a pretty important week.  This is the first week of Power Rankings.  It’s like when the AP releases their first College Football Playoff Rankings.  The Power Rankings get released later on in the season because it’s important to see everyone show their stuff and observe a good sample size before ranking.  So this blog will be a bit different. I’ll first release the Power Rankings then we will talk about other noteworthy moments from last week’s episode.  So without further adieu, I give you the season’s first Power Rankings:

POWER RANKINGS OF WHO WILL WIN

  1. Danielle L – Back to back big weeks for Danielle L.  She got the group date rose two weeks ago and the nabbed a one on one in Nick’s hometown and took home the rose, clinching her at least another week. She’s easily the best looking one left and unless she comes to her senses and walks, it’s looking like she is going to have a cakewalk to the Fantasy Suite.

  2. Vanessa – Like Danielle L, Vanessa is a catch.  She got the one on one two weeks ago and Nick made out with her after she puked so he must really like her, or be really horny (the likely reason).  She called out Nick for is immaturity with Corinne and Nick did seem to be a bit more distant from Corinne this week.

  3. Rachel – She seems to be in the upper tier of girls that Nick consistently is interested in.  These three are like the Brady, Rodgers, Roethlisberger.  Remember, Rachel got the First Impression Rose and took home a group date rose earlier this season.

  4. Danielle M – She’s been pretty quiet since her one on one, but people love her.  I would look for Danielle M to have a big week.

  5. Raven – I’ll be honest, I thought Raven was doomed going into her one on one.  It kind of seemed like a trap game.  We were due for a one on one to go awry, but Raven came out on top in her one on one and became a serious contender in the process.

  6. Corinne – Every other year I have always preached “the bad girl” or “the villain” never makes it far and every year I am right.  But this year is different.  Nick is fucking weird.  If there was ever a year for the villain to make a deep run, it would be this year.

  7. Kristina – Kristina had a huge group date performance.  She took  control and grabbed Nick first, called out Corinne (more on this later) and then got the group date rose.  Pretty solid night.

  8. Astrid – I think Nick likes Astrid.  She’s exactly Nick’s type: tall and brunette with a part in the middle.  She’s also gotten a rose early in each of the last few Rose Ceremonies.  AND she’s got BOMBS.

  9. Sarah – Sarah is vocal, which I like.  The girls like her, which is good.  She’s pretty, which is also something I like and that is good.  BUT it just doesn’t seem like her and Nick have had a ton of time together.  She needs a big week.

  10. Whitney –I’m waiting for Whitney to start making a move.  I stand by my stance that Whitney is super duper pretty, but she’s got to fucking do something.

  11. Jasmine – We are now entering the bottom tier of girls.  I think Jasmine is a bit much for Nick.

  12. Alexis – We all love Alexis.  But sadly I think we are on borrowed time with Alexis.

  13. Jamie – I don’t fucking understand how she is still around, but at this point I hope she wins it all.

  14. Josephine – Another girl I’m confused as to how she made it this far.  I could actually see her sneaking through another Rose Ceremony, but no shot she makes it to hometowns.

  15. Taylor – Taylor sucks.  I know we got the 2 on 1 with her and Corinne this week and history tells us the “good guy” will win the 2 on 1’s but I actually think that Corinne wins this one.  And another thing; HOW IS SHE A MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONAL AT AGE 23!???

To be completely honest, I think Danielle L is a lock to go deep, but after that girls 2-10 could all have the potential to make a run.

Alright so usually what I do now in my Power Rankings is Power Rank the girls most likely to be the next Bachelorette, so here we go:

  1. Danielle M
  2. Vanessa
  3. Danielle L
  4. Rachel
  5. Sarah
  6. Raven
  7. Kristina
  8. Whitney

The rest have no chance.

And now for the recap!

2017-01-29Vanessa picks up where we left off last week.  She’s not judging Corinne, she’s judging NICK.  I really thought she was going to walk, but somehow this dumbass talked his way out of it to keep Vanessa around.2017-01-29-1Meanwhile, Sarah and Taylor went to talk to Corinne (who was obviously in bed).  Sarah told Taylor she better “get it together.”  Corinne responded as so:2017-01-29-2And despite the Last Rose Scare, Corinne stuck around for another week2017-01-29-4Harrison then came in and told the girls to get pumped because they’re going to MILWAUKEE OMFGGGG!!!!!!!  There, we met with Nick’s parents who looked, shall we say, a bit worn.

“Nick are we really fucking doing this again?”  But it was Danielle L who got the first one on one, where Nick showed her around and conveniently bumped into an ex.2017-01-29-12And of course invited her to have a coffee with he and Danielle L.  Props to Nick though, this girl wasn’t ugly.

But she was nothing compared to Danielle L, who did seem a bit rattled at first.  Anyways, after that Nick to Danielle L to a hill to talk about their first kiss.2017-01-29-13Why why why why why why why why are you asking this girl these things on the first date?  I’m not claiming to be a Don Juan here or anything, but what the hell, Nick?  But after this, Nick ups the ante and has asks Danielle L what her most embarrassing moment was.2017-01-29-14I mean I have to say I kind of get what he was saying.  Danielle L does always look very good and seems very elegant, so I understand what he was doing, but word it better than “Haha I’m a dumbass, what is your most embarrassing moment?”  Nick’s an idiot.  Whatever, she got the rose and we move onto the group date.2017-01-29-15This was at a farm.  I guess the owner of the farm hired the girls to be the help for the day.  They had to milk cows and shovel shit.2017-01-29-172017-01-29-18Corinne’s hands went numb and she couldn’t FEEL HER HANDS GUYS so she had to sit this one out for a bit.2017-01-29-20Corinne also spent the day bitching about this date and you know what?  I don’t blame her.  It’s silly and funny and stuff, but come on, who ever wants to shovel shit.  Maybe if it was some kind of educational petting zoo type of thing where they could feed cute baby animals, it’d be something the girls would like.  But shoveling shit and squeezing udders?  Come on, who wants to do that?  Certainly not someone who owns a million dollar business and has a nanny.  That’s for damn sure.  At dinner though, the girls made it known to Corinne that they don’t like what she’s doing.2017-01-29-21Sarah went IN on Corinne and told her that she would walk through shit for Nick, but isn’t sure Corinne would.2017-01-29-22Corinne gave a lot of excuses including the fact that HER HANDS WERE NUMB AND IT WAS A SERIOUS SITUATION, but I’ll tell you what, Taylor was not impressed.2017-01-29-23That’s the stare of death.  2017-01-29-24Vanessa had some things to say to Corinne too, but did so in a civilized manner.2017-01-29-25Then Kristina came from the top rope and CRUSHED Corinne.  It was incredible.  I actually think that Kristina has some KGB ties and has had training in interrogation because this was textbook.  Kristina started off telling Corinne she was brave and then she asked why Corinne didn’t partake in the day’s activities.  Corinne said she had a “serious medical condition” and Kristina cut her off and said “I’m not stupid, I choose to take challenges head on while you run and hide.”  SHOTS.  FIRED.  I fell in love with Kristina at that moment.  Corinne was so rattled and stormed away.  Kristina won.2017-01-29-26And got the rose, right in Corinne’s fucking face.2017-01-29-27In the final one on one, Nick took Raven, as I said before I thought was a trap date for her.  But after meeting up with Nick’s like twelve year old sister…2017-01-29-28and went roller blading….2017-01-29-29Nick asked Raven about how she was cheated on in her previous relationship.  And he asked for ALL the details.  Raven said she walked in on them having sex and Nick was goes “yeah?  And then what happened?”  Then Raven said she saw the girl’s vagina and Nick said “Oh yeah?  What was it like?”  I swear it was like Uncle Jack in Sunny when they had the intervention after Charlie “got molested.”

But Raven also got the rose.  Before the Rose Ceremony, Taylor and Corinne had it OUT.  Corinne proclaimed that she was going to punch Taylor in the face.  Taylor talked to Corinne like she was ten.  Corinne told Taylor she didn’t like being talked to that way.  And that’s where we left.

Looks like we are heading for a two on one with these two (that I called like three weeks ago by the way, but nbd).  History says the good guy wins.  Alex beat Chad, Twin beat Olivia, it’s been a while since the villain has won a two on one.  This could be the year it happens though.  And come on, Nick can’t like Taylor that much.  Maybe they’ll both go home.

Whatever happens, it should be electric!

 

@WhatAKetchWCS

@ABCDTheBachelor