All in all a pretty underwhelming episode in my opinion. Maybe it was because the first four episodes were absolutely electric, maybe it was because we spent about an hour in a goddamn haunted house for no reason. I don’t know. Anyways, another week in means another week of Power Rankings. A bit of a surprise this week with two girls who I considered to be pretty strong getting the boot. Sarah and A$$trid, gone too soon in my opinion, but Nick’s a jackass so what do you expect? I mean Astrid, other than her dumb name, was a pretty cool chick and again, she had BOMBS.
Sarah was also a cool girl who was actually what I considered to be in the upper tier of looks of the group. It’s like, you know how when they talk tiers of QBs in the NFL and Big Ben always is thrown in the top tier, but you can tell he’s like the last one in? Well that was Sarah to me. Last one in the top tier….actually now that I think about it, I’m not sure who I’d put ahead of her other than Danielle L. Maybe she’s more like Rodgers than Big Ben. Hmm. Wild stuff. Regardless, it’s time for the Power Rankings. The number in parenthesis are their rankings from last week.
**I’m not including Taylor in the Rankings**
POWER RANKINGS OF WHO WILL WIN
- Danielle L (1) – I know she didn’t get a one on one date, or a group date rose this week, but she has to be the favorite. The girls are scared of her because she’s so good looking. I stand by what I said last week, unless she comes to her senses and sees that she can do like a billion times better than Nick and walks, she’ll easily get into the Fantasy Suite. Also doesn’t Danielle L kind of look like a way prettier version of the girl from Fifth Harmony?
- Rachel (2) – Big week for Rachel. One on one date where her and Nick ate a ben-yay together and Nick made this face:Despite that face screaming “date rape” the authorities were not alerted and Nick was not taken to jail, but instead Rachel and he had a great time in NOLA and of course got the Rose. Real strong week for Rachel. She may be knocking on the same door Danielle L is already in, that is unless she comes to her senses, she’s looking more and more like a lock for the Final Four at the very least.
Raven (5) – Raven told Nick she loved him in a very matter-of-fact fashion. She did not get a rose, but she definitely asserted herself. If not getting a rose is considered a “loss” then I would say this was a statement loss for Raven.
Danielle M (4) – Her initial high ranking was in part to her strong one on one way back in episode two. Since then, she had been pretty quiet, but did come to life a bit this week and nabbed the group date rose in the haunted house. I like Danielle M, but I can never fucking hear what she’s saying. Speak up, Danielle M!
Vanessa (2) – Rough week for Vanessa as she dropped three spots. Her real only camera time was when she refused to do the ouija board (mad respect since ouija boards are bullshit). Other than that though, nothing too noteworthy.
Whitney (10) – I said last week to keep an eye on Whitney. She yet again got an early rose in the Rose Ceremony and she actually spoke this week. It could be too little too late for her, but if she can somehow get a rose from group date or maybe even a one on one this week she’ll be right back in the thick of things.
Corinne (6) – Winning the one on one helps. I know what you’re thinking, “no way she wins, she’s too crazy, the crazy one never wins.” But I’ve thought this all season: Nick is weird and he would be the one to take a weird one deep. Actually, now that I’m thinking a little deeper into it, considering all the sexual things Corinne has done to Nick, I can absolutely see him taking her to the Fantasy Suite.
Kristina (7) – She did get a nice win two weeks ago with the group date rose, but I just don’t know if she makes it much further than this week.
Alexis (12) – Here we are hitting the 11-15 seeds winning in the first round. The last four girls are high seeds upsetting low seeds and probably not making past the first weekend, Sweet Sixteen at best. Alexis, while we all love her and she needs more camera time, is likely on her way out.
Jasmine (11) – I was a big fan of Jasmine’s attitude at the haunted house. I actually like Jasmine too. She’s the sassy black girl that every show needs.
Jami (13) – Still don’t get it. Now hoping she wins it all.
Josephine (14) – See Jami.
POWER RANKINGS OF WHO WILL BE THE NEXT BACHELORETTE
- Danielle M (1)
- Danielle L (3)
- Rachel (4)
- Raven (6)
- Vanessa (2)
- Whitney (8)
- Kristina (7)
Alright onto some highlights.
We started off with Corinne v Taylor arguing about emotional intelligence and Corinne told Taylor she always has a “stank face on her face.”I mean she’s not wrong. At the Rose Ceremony, Corinne got a rose in the middle of the pack and had this to say to about Taylor:“See ya biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch.”BUT Taylor ended up getting a rose anyways. Also Jami kept her unprecedented run alive by getting ANOTHER rose.And he sent home looker Sarah
Poor girl. She’ll find someone waaaaaaaaaaay better than Nick.
Rachel got the first group date in New Orleans. She crushed it and got the rose OBVI.We also found out that Rachel’s dad is a federal judge. I’m imagining that he’s like the judge in Family Guy.
Then the girls, including Jami and Jasmine went to a plantation. The plantation was haunted and they recreated the Blair Bitch Project. Look, I don’t fuck with spirits and head injuries. This date fell into the “spirit” category. But I muscled through what I could. That asshole Boo told the girls not to touch anything because some dumbass ghost named Molly would kill them or something. Mysteriously, the ghost’s doll went missing so someone had to die.No it wasn’t Whitney, but she did talk a little bit at this date. She wasn’t the only one talking either. Raven told Nick she loved him. Unbelievable. I’m never a fan of being the first one to say it, and I don’t think this is an exception. I fear that Raven will get burned by this down the road. I mean she didn’t even get the rose. That went to Danielle M.Next was the two one, aka the “Manipulative Bitch” (Taylor’s name for Corinne) vs the “Swamp Monster” (Corinne’s name for Taylor). I actually think this might’ve been the first time in the history of the show that the alleged “villain” was the favorite to win. Nevertheless, the girls were taken to the Bayou to meet a voodoo priestess.That was the priestess. I’m sorry but if that lady is a voodoo priestess then I’m the goddamn Queen of England. Anyways, Corinne got tine with Nick first and took the opportunity to tell him that Taylor was mean and bullying her.Nick then called Taylor out on it and before they Nick came to award the rose, Taylor confronted Corinne with her stank face was in full affect.In reality, Corinne played Taylor like a goddamn fiddle. Like Taylor was the one that always initiated confrontations with Corinne. Taylor was the one that was talking down to Corinne. Corinne never said anything to Taylor without being provoked. Watch the tape. Taylor got played. Corinne outwitted the alleged mental health professional and when she had her where she wanted, told Taylor that she was shocked anyone took advice from her.
Corinne had won the rose, and in a tradition unlike any other, Taylor was left in the wilderness after losing the two on one. (Play the video to get the full affect)
But Taylor wasn’t done. After being the human sacrifice in a voodoo ceremony…She barged into Nick and Corinne’s dinner to tell him that she needed to talk to him.And Corinne responded “what the fuck is she doing here?”
And then it ended. I guess the two on one was better than I remembered. I’m pretty excited to see what happens tonight! Get your picks in for the survivor pool…NUMBERS ARE DWINDLING!