Have you ever turned on Sports Center to listen in on some breaking news vital to your life that revolves around the sporting world? I know for a fact you all have. I certainly have. It’s almost perfect.

My trouble with this is that subtle name that is always involved when “Breaking News” on ESPN is released. That name? Adam Schefter.

I’ve always wondered: does Adam Schefter simply teleport to every different place in order to gain the information that ESPN claims he has gotten his hands on first? Does he personally know every single athlete that wants a trade? Does he have a personal relationship with the wives of athletes that are victims of abuse? Did he witness Johnny Manziel check himself into rehab? The answer to that and many more questions I hope all of you soon have is… ABSOLUTELY NOT.


This man takes credit for information hardworking people in the ever diminishing fields (I say this due to the rise of “internet” news) of reporting and newscasting ACTUALLY find.

This article is here to serve as a shout out to all of those reporters who, day in and day out, get out there to cover news the old fashioned way. Grinding day in and day out, getting mud on their boots for their story to be the front page news, rather than have a network of your Satanic spawns calling you and having you take every ounce of credit for it.

Not only does Adam Schefter work a dream job that many sports fans envision (that apparently a 6 year old could do), he robs small teams of reporters and local papers of the information they could have gotten a hold of first.

Have you ever heard Adam Schefter give any useful input when ESPN actually lets him get some face time in front of the cameras? ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!!!!! This imbecile spews nonsense that anyone who dedicates their time to sports would have knowledge of.

His opinions are useless. Dare I even say his voice is close to as useless as Doris Burke commentating from the sidelines of an NBA game (I understand Doris may have been the first female to really make it big in the NBA’s world of reporting, but let’s get real for a second or two. She could be replaced by anyone on the Water Cooler Sports team. No offense Doris, my primary point is to make people understand why Adam Schefter is the devil).

Please Schefty, I urge you, keep spewing your utter nonsense when they allow you to get on camera and take credit for news that other people have obtained first. You will continue to always have my attention so I can scream and banter about your lack of purpose in this world.



New to the Water Cooler,
Oh Diggity