Headline grab, am I right?

Now, I am in no means looking to get political here. Strictly speaking about the lack of hustle on Nike’s part to Make America Great Again. As we all know Nike is based out of Oregon and showers the University of Oregon with gifts. The Ducks have some of the nicest facilities and the sickest gear. BONUS, they don’t make anyone pay for it. Just a “I love my alma mater” gift. Some could say the teams and players in Oregon get sicker jerseys and deals (See: the Seattle Seahawks).

Now, you’re probably thinking “Yea, Frank, you’re right… but why does this mean Nike hates America?” Well, I’m glad you asked. Nike constantly provides the US soccer team with BRUTAL jerseys. The newest home jersey is a hand-me-down from Portugal and ENGLAND. Brief history lesson, we don’t like getting second hand shit from England…

Both of these jerseys were designed for the 2016 European championships (left Portugal, right England). Both countries have a fair bit of red and have traditionally used red in one of their jerseys, so totally acceptable.

Now, below is the current USA Jersey.



Last time I checked we are Red, WHITE AND BLUE. This is brutal, disgusting and lacks professionalism. Come on boys, this is the home team here! Last time I checked Oregon is in the United States, so what’s the problem? Nike has sooo much money and so many brilliant designers, how in the world did we end up with this! Now I know that we just elected a republican and maybe that’s the spin zone here, but that ain’t gonna cut it.

“Okay Frank you’re right. But that is only one bad jersey, so relax.” Wrong! Let’s take a look back…

The “Firecracker Ice Pop” Jersey…

The “Where’s Waldo” jersey…

The “Miss America Pageant” jersey…

I rest my case.

It’s about time Nike steps up to the plate and gives us some Fourth of July Fireworks. We need a jersey worthy of George Washington himself. We need something so beautiful Messi wants to become a citizen to play under the Stars & Bars. Let’s go Nike, I have faith in you. Now give us something this great Republic can be proud of.



From Sea to Shining Sea,