I went out of town this past weekend so I didn’t write a full review and preview. But I also have to say, part of the reason I may not have been quite as motivated to write a blog about the past episode is because I am incredibly disgusted with what appear to be a growing trend in the The Bachelor Franchise.
No, I’m not talking about Nick being the weirdest mother fucker I’ve ever seen, or that all the good girls are gone, or that Nick has clearly drugged the Final Four girls, or that Corinne is insane. No, all of that makes great television. In fact, this has been one of the most action-packed and dramatic episodes of the show in recent memory. From an entertainment point of view, it’s been great.
No, I’m obviously talking about the show’s decision to announce that Rachel will be the next Bachelorette, while she’s still on the fucking show. This is now the second straight season, they’ve announced the new Bachelor/ette while the person was still “competing” and I just have to ask; why? What is the point? She’s a fan favorite and people legitimately thought she was going to win, so why the hell are you announcing that she is going to be the next Bachelorette WHEN SHE’S STILL ON THE SHOW?
If they had come out and announced that Kristina or Danielle L or Danielle M was going to be the next Bachelorette, I’d be fine with that. Neither is still on the show so it’s not ruining anything. But Rachel is on the show, AND there’s been commercial clips of her in Norway or whatever the fuck Nordic country they go to for the finale. So that means we know she makes it to AT LEAST fantasy suites. I mean maybe, MAYBE if she were to be eliminated tonight at hometowns, I’d be a little less fired up about this. But SHE DOESN’T. WE ALREADY KNOWS SHE MAKES IT PAST TONIGHT. So now we are just going to watch her hometown, knowing she doesn’t win. We will watch her get a rose and go to the fantasy suite, still knowing she doesn’t win. Then if she gets a rose there, we will watch her in the final, again knowing she doesn’t win. They wouldn’t do that, right? Well why the fuck would they tell us when she’s still on the show to begin with so it’s anybodies fucking guess.
The only and I mean THE ONLY way they can redeem them self from this now second straight major screw up is if Nick does end up picking her and she turns him down.
And for the record, I like Rachel and think she is a very good choice for Bachelorette. I have no issues with whom is the next Bachelorette, I have major issues with how they told us all. Somehow this is all Nick’s fucking fault.
Alright now for my quick predictions. I’m not going to do power rankings anymore because ABC murdered that idea by telling everyone that the girl I had ranked first last week isn’t going to win so now it’ll just be a prediction for tonight.
ADVANCING TO FANTASY SUITE:
Vanessa – Nick’s been staring at her boobs all season long and he’s not about to send her home when he’s a week away from seeing those sweater puppies dance.
Rachel – Because we saw her on the commercials.
Raven – More by default. I think Corinne finally gets exploited in this episode. Or maybe Raven’s southern dad talks to Nick while holding a shotgun.
Corinne – I think Nick wants to bring Corinne to the fantasy suite, but when he goes to her hometown (and yes I think she does at least make it to hometowns) he’s going to see the nanny and her presumably fucked up family in the flesh and that’s going to scare the shit out of him.
POWER RANKINGS OF WHO WILL BE THE NEXT BACHELORETTE
- Rachel – thanks for ruining it, ABC.
That’s what I got. I’m heated. I’m way more pissed than I should be or would like to admit, but here we are.