Dear Diary,

I have a problem that I want need to talk to you about. I am, however, a little worried that I may receive some backlash for my controversial, yet undeniably true thoughts. So, Diary, you have to promise me you will keep it a secret, ok?

I hate old ladies! There, I said it… but let me clarify, I don’t hate all old ladies. I actually am quite fond of them for the most part, but in the setting of public transportation, they are the most ruthless, vile, merciless human beings on the face of the Earth!


This all starts with how most of my commute issues start. No one knows ANY public transportation etiquette (PTE) anymore. Chivalry is not dead, PTE is! The reason I get so worked up about this sort of thing is because at the crux of PTE is simply logic. Apparently old ladies, along with much of the commuter world, is not familiar with my good pal, logic.

I understand that some of you will probably say, “Well isn’t it PTE to let an old lady sit down and blah blah blah” and yes, article 3, section 8 of the PTE clearly states, “Should an old lady happen upon a train or bus that has a limited number of seat, one should stand and give the seat to that old lady.” This is all well and good but these people obviously did not read article 13, section 69 where it is clearly laid out that, “All is fair to and from work.” It’s right there!! But even with that point made this is not where my greatest qualms rest.

Allow me to set the scene, the train is packed. You have just finished a long day of work. You don’t get a seat, but this is fine and nothing unexpected. You move into the middle of the car, one of the most important parts of PTE, place you bag on the floor, and settle in for the long journey home. You notice to your left, on the other side of train that there is an old lady. How did you notice? Maybe it was the devil horns or the smell of sulfur that she brought with her from the bowels of Hell. You then notice to your right, as you pull into the station, that someone is getting up from their seat and exiting the train. This is when it happens…


The old lady feels SO entitled to that seat, on the other side of the train, with about 50 people in between her and her entitled throne, that she will transform into Marshawn Lynch and push and shove and scream at everyone until she gets to that seat. She does not care what sort of havoc she creates along the way. She doesn’t understand that when moving through a crowded train car, there is not a lot of room for other people to move and that her and her usual 100+ bags might hit a few people and that instead of screaming at them she should be the one f*#%ing apologizing. That thought doesn’t cross her mind once.

Alas, there is nothing that can be done about this. All I can do is hold in my anger like a shaken up bottle of champagne and stare, stare at her until she looks me dead in the eyes and that is when she knows that what she just did is wrong and she has to live with that forever, that is when I can rest easy… bitch.



With a Big Smile on my Face,
Big Fudge