In our second edition of Ketch Figures it Out, we look into the world of water.  How is water made?  How is there so much fucking water in the world?  Where does it all come from?  Well if you’ve ever wondered these questions too, you’re in luck.  No, not because I will be supplying any answers, but because I’m going to talk about how I don’t get it.

My first qualm about water is this:  How is it made?  Obviously I know the whole two hydrogen molecules to one oxygen molecule.  I’m not that stupid.  I get that it’s H2O so before you call me a full fledged idiot, just back the fuck off.  My questions aren’t about what goes into water, but rather how do the two things come together to make water?

Hydrogen and oxygen are both gasses in the atmosphere.  So do they just run into each other and make water?  I’m assuming since every element has a boiling point (I think?) that it means that oxygen and hydrogen both can be in liquid form.  So maybe the two just have to cool down enough from gas form to then turn into liquid form and then it will be easier for them to combine.

Obviously if they’re both solids that won’t work.  The only way I could see that working is if someone was just smashing them together and the residue of the two solid elements combined.  It would be like when I was in middle school and we would do apple wars.  We would all take our apples from our lunches out at the table and smash them together as hard as we could and the apple that didn’t break would be deemed the champion apple of the day.  Granny Smith’s always fared well in this competition.  That was middle school life for Ketch.  Not like other people I know who were fingering girls at lunch in middle school.  No, I didn’t even sit with girls in middle school lunch.  If you sat with girls during lunch in middle school, you were gay, unless you were fingering them of course.

But I digress.  The point is that if hydrogen and oxygen are both liquids, I could see how they turn into water.  If they’re both in a gas state, I don’t get it one bit.  They have to cool down enough to change states, right?  An oxygen molecule doesn’t just meet two hydrogen molecules floating around and say “why hello there, nice day for a threesome wouldn’t ya say?” and then get it on and magically turn into water.  Right?

It’s got to be something with the clouds.  The atmosphere is colder, so I guess I could see it being something like the clouds get really cold which turns oxygen and hydrogen into liquid-ish states and then they make water.  I guess I’ll go with that.

The other part of this is that am I supposed to believe all of the goddamn water in the world has come from the sky at one point?  There’s so much fucking water in this world.  Like 70% of the earth is water.  You’re telling me that ALL came from the sky?  How?  I can talk myself into the cloud theory of how water is made, but this one is something I can’t quite settle on.  I don’t know I guess this mystery will stay unsolved.  For now.

Tune in next time when I try to figure out how birds get knocked up.