Okay, maybe they didn’t. But in exactly one year, in the 2018 FORBES March issue, you’re going to read the following transcript (and don’t be afraid to let it blow your panties clear off)…


Us: “We really had no idea what we were doing. We still don’t. And now, it’s like we’re living in the goddamn Arctic, before global warming. It snows every damn day.”

Reporter: “I’m sorry, are you saying that you guys are doing cocaine in here?”

Us: “You know, I’m not saying that we’re not.”

Reporter: “You know that this is a global publication right? The FBI, DEA and NYPD all have access to this and can read it.”

Us: “Yeah, we know. But we’re the bad boys of writing.”

Reporter: “Alright, well give us something that we can actually publish. What separates you from every other sports blog?”

Us: “Well, we had everything to lose, played our cards kinda safe, and made it in the big leagues. We had people that were doing big things with their life, and then they just kinda quit and committed themselves full time to this. In fact Ketch, took a $20,000 pay cut from his teaching job. Now he’s making $7,000 a year. Miller took a $120,000 pay cut to the same salary as Ketch… But hey, that’s where we’re at in our lives.”

Reporter: “So how are you supporting your cocaine habit on a salary of $7,000 a year?”

Us: “Laundering money. It’s that simple.”

Reporter: “Alright, well that concludes our interview. Thanks.”


**24 hours later**

NY Times Headline: ENTIRE WATER COOLER SPORTS STAFF ARRESTED ON DRUG AND RACKETEERING CHARGES

When asked for a statement writer “Ragu” aka “Johnny Pasta Sauce” was quoted saying: “Live fast die hard. This company was rode hard and put away wet. Just the way we like it.

 

Needless to say, I look forward to the next year and making this dream a reality.