I would consider my self somewhere in between a casual and big fan of Star Wars and Harry Potter. I’ve read all the Harry Potter books, Battle Front 2 for PS2 was one of the best games of all time, and I’ve seen the movies from both franchises multiple times.

Now, yesterday was May Force, and I spend any free moment I have sitting on the shitter (it’s the one place in my building the wifi works on my iPhone Fossil) I was thinking what be cooler – being a wizard or a Jedi?

Let’s look at a wizard first…

Pro: Fucking magic bro. Magic is fucking awesome! Your room gets clean in just a simple flick of the wrist. Mumble some special words, and you got fire. Snap your fingers and you can teleport. Magic is absolutely awesome. The possibilities are endless in what you could do with magic. Turn your wand into a Hermione Granger flesh light. You could levitate shit. I’m assuming there are some spell that turn water into beer. Magic would be great, make life so much easier.

Con: According to Harry Potter rules the poor bastards who don’t have magic can’t know about magic. So if you use magic it’s gotta be very low key. Can’t pick up chicks at a bar by turning her shot glass into a puppy if there some bitch ass muggle.

Pro: Boarding school. Kinda always wanted to go to boarding school. Maybe I would have been better at lax, maybe I would have swiped my V card at like age 14, maybe I would have entered the world of prescription drugs earlier. Always figured boarding school would have be kinda cool. Add magic into the mix and you know Hogwarts could have been a sick time.

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Con: If I didn’t have to do shit because I would just cast a spell I would become an even bigger worthless piece of shit than I am now.

Now on to Jedi…

Pro: The force. The force is kinda like magic but it’s not. You can levitate shit, you can control dumb ass peoples’ minds briefly which is awesome, and you essentially have like a sixth sense. I’m sure hardcore Star Wars people know other shit the force is capable of, but I think those are the main things. Between levitation, mind control, and being able to sense things are going to happen before they do, that’s a pretty solid set of abilities.

Con: It takes a long ass time to master the force. At Hogwarts they start you up with magic at 11 and you’re out by 17-18 ready to go. Jedi’s get taken from their families as like babies, go through absurd amounts of training, and pretty much spend the rest of their life mastering the force. Very big time commitment there.

Pro: Light sabers baby yeaaa. Light sabers beat any weapon hands down. You can block gunshots, some times sending the shot right back and killing the dude doing the shooting. You can cut through metal and shit. They come in dope neon colors. Would turn a wand into splinters. So fucking sick. Laser. Sword. Fucking. Awesome.

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Con: If you’re a Jedi you like have commit to being a good guy or a bad guy. There aren’t any Jedi who just kinda chill and do their own thing (again Star Wars people call me out on this, I’m just going off my limited knowledge from the movies.) You’re essentially solider, which is cool, but not everyone is looking for that.

So, after weighing in on the pros and cons, think I got lean towards wizard. If I had no commitment to the Dark Side or the Light, and could just do my own thing I would definitely go Jedi (if I had a dollar every time I’ve been told I have commitment issues, I would have like… Idk like only 4 bucks). But the wizarding life just seems so much more appealing. You have total freedom to do whatever the fuck you want with magic. Sit in the stands at a Met game and cast a spell to make sure that ball gets out of the park, teleport to the Play Boy mansion mid-party slipping through security, the possibilities are endless.

Let us know what you think.

 

 

Live from the Science Department,
Rell