Our time has come to an end… The song has been sung, Chelsea have been named Champions once again and world order has been restored. This week it is impossible to watch every game. They are all being played simultaneously so no team has the benefit of knowing what they have to do in order to move up the table. Having all the games played at once feels a lot like shot gunning a tall boy, hammering down several shots, then not being allowed to drink for the rest of the night.

SPARKNOTES: Everton comes up big, West Brom can finally breath, City goes wild.


(Please Note: All games are at 10:00 EST)

Liverpool v. Middlesbrough
It’s comical how the teams who will be finishing in the top 4 play absolute garbage teams to end the year. Liverpool will run rampant, a gross contest with no signs of mercy. 3-0 Liverpool.

Watford v. Man City
Vicarage Road
The people who are on this roster will be incredibly different from who’s there next season. That’s all I care about here. I could see 20 players being moved during the summer. 3-1 City.

Chelsea v. Sunderland
Stamford Bridge
Slaughter fest. Conte will insert a bunch of youngsters to help get their feet wet. This could be a high scoring affair like the midweek game due to inexperience. 3-2 Chelsea.


Southampton v. Stoke
St. Mary’s
This will end in a tie. What it all comes down to is whether either manager can possibly motivate their teams to not be extremely hungover for the game. 1-1.

Arsenal v. Everton
The Emirates
Everton destroys all hope of Arsenal ending the season on a high note. If Arsenal really blows it here, they will lose 4 big players. 3-1 Everton.

Hull v. Tottenham
Sp*rs are currently on the war path to show they mean business… for next season. In order to have a decent showing next year, they need more players. They need another huge win. 4-1 Sp*rs.

Leicester v. Bournemouth
King Power
Disappointment. The world wanted Leicester to be decent but they failed miserably. Bournemouth, 10th for such a small club, is honestly not bad. This is my sleeper game of the week. 2-1 Bournemouth.

Burnley v. West Ham
Turf Moor
This is also a sleeper game, but in the sense that you will literally fall asleep during it. Burnley 2-1.

Man U. v. Crystal Palace
Old Trafford
Man U have secured 6th place… which is a joke! All they care about is winning Europa, which qualifies them for the Champions League. They will lose. Palace 1-0.

Jose_Mourinho bubble

Swansea v. West Brom
The Liberty
West Brom is my secret crush. I’ll never say more than a sweet hello or a casual head nod. This team has grit and even though they got battered in the past two games, they will destroy Swansea. 3-0 West Brom.



Friday’s are for Futbol,