So we all know hipsters love their organic stuff. It’s not enough to just LOVE avocados, they need to be organic avocados. It’s not enough to have white eggs, they need to be organic, cage free eggs. It’s not enough to have the cheap ass store brand milk, it needs to be milk from an organic cow…

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So, this got me to thinking yesterday – how far can we take a product’s “organic lineage” (a term I just coined… nbd) in order to REALLY cash in on the recent idiot hipster trend?

Think about it… Scotch drinkers will spend TONS more money on a scotch that has been aged for 20 years (or something), so what if I was able to say a particular product was organic “back 7 generations“?

I know that may not make sense, so let me explain how stupid easy it is, and then you tell me if hipsters wouldn’t lose their minds over this shit.

Imagine you go buy organic bacon (is that a thing?), but you know it comes from not JUST an organic pig, but an organic pig that was fed strictly organic corn… and not just ANY organic corn… Corn that was watered using only solar powered farm equipment. Oh, and did we mention the corn ALSO was grown in soil that made by composting food scraps?? And not just ANY food scraps, food scraps from a local person who only ate organic foods – so EVEN the scraps were organic!

So, I think you get where I’m going with this. If we can claim that the (let’s say) avocados that hipsters are putting in their guacamole isn’t JUST organic, but like “10-times Removed Organic” – could you imagine the sock-soaking that would be going on in Brooklyn?! They’d spend everything they had on it!

Now, for those pretentious idiots, it wouldn’t be enough to just go to Whole Foods to get Organic Spring Mix lettuce anymore… You’d have to make sure it was the “10-times Removed Organic Spring Mix” to ensure you were REALLY a true hipster and cared about the environment.

(I honestly know this is stupid… like sooooo beyond the stupidest thing I’ve written to date… but sadly in this world and culture, I could also TOTALLY see this becoming a thing.)



10 Times Removed ‘Merican,