I’d really like to get a hold of the head of VISA’s Marketing in Latvia, because this commercial makes legitimately ZERO sense to me…

Let’s break it down take by take…

0:00 – 0:02
This brilliant work of art starts off with a hand worm looping through the clouds to the tune of Yello – Oh Yeah (De Bow Bow). Immediately I am like, okay, wtf is going on…

Kristaps Porzingis VISA Commercial.PNG

0:03-0:07
Now the hand worm thing has taken its talents to the ocean, and then across an old school car… This is getting weirder and more bizarre by the clip.

0:08-0:10
Next they decide to feature a cute furry dog. Okay, that always sells – even if the rest of the commercial is a freakshow… No, wait that fucking hand is back petting the dog. Now I’m uncomfortable again.

0:11
At this point, the hand begins to caress what I can only describe as a poor man’s light up LA Gear sneaker… Yes, a POOR MAN’s light up sneaker from the mid-90’s.

Kristaps Porzingis VISA Commercial Petting LA Gear Sneakers.PNG

0:12-0:16
Easily the most confusing part of the commercial, they feature that hand sticking itself in what seems to be a container of honey and then furiously shaking the hand (and honey) all over the fucking place. WHAT IS HAPPENING?!?!

0:17-0:20
The hand now smacks, arguably in a real sensual way, a Jello/flubber cube and the camera remains on it to watch the cube wiggle… As I continue breaking down this video I realize we’ve gone 20 seconds without a mention of VISA, or even shown the featured celebrity… Un-fucking-believable.

Kristaps Porzingis VISA Commercial Jello Flubber.PNG

0:21-0:24
Finally we see KP. Okay, thank god… Finally some normal. Wait, NOT EVEN CLOSE. THE FUCKING HAND IS BACK AND IS COMING OUT FROM INSIDE HIS SHIRT AND IS CARESSING HIS HEAD.

Kristaps Porzingis VISA Commercial Kristaps Porzingis Caress Head.PNG

0:25-0:30
Oh thank God it’s over. VISA leaves us with an image of that hand stroking KP’s credit card which has a shockingly real looking credit card number on it… Given that this was filmed in quite a reckless manner, I wouldn’t be surprised if you tried to use KP’s info on that card and it went through.

Kristaps Porzingis VISA Commercial Kristaps Porzingis Credit Card.PNG

Want to know what those words “Jā? Jā! Tev Patīk” translate to?! DO YOU WANT TO KNOW!??!

It means “YES? YES! YOU LIKE!” in Latvian!!

Overall, this commercial left me confused and worried if KP is okay over there in what clearly is a third world country. If that is “humor” over there, I don’t get it – not even close.

WTF IS GOING ON!?!?

 will ferrell zoolander mugatu crazy pills GIF

I just can’t wait to get our little angel unicorn back in Manhattan, reppin’ the Orange & Blue. If he needs the money, maybe let’s get him to do a KIA commercial or something… Because I don’t know if I can handle seeing him in this weird freakshow world he calls home!!

 

 

VISA – You Can Do Better,
@WCS_Taylor