Last night, I will be completely honest with you… I was tired AF. BUT as a committed “Thrones Guy“ now, I hung in there. Lucky for me the writers of GoT also were tired AF writing this particular episode because they started late and ended early, making this one FAST fucking episode.
Here’s what basically happened…
Khaleesi & Jon Snow keep letting us know they’re going to be the world’s greatest power couple but still haven’t banged yet; the dragons fighting was pretty sweet; and that idiot guy who banged his sister last week might be dead.
Alright, let’s get into it…
Khaleesi & Jon Snow
The hottest people on the show, Jon Snow and Khaleesi, haven’t banged just yet, but the sexual tension there is TAUT. Like, holy shit… That sex scene will probably be an entire hour long episode and no one would even hate it. There would be some soaked socks and starchy underwear after that episode, LET ME TELL YA!!
A Dragon Actually Owned Everyone
The reason I say this is basically Jon Snow knows they are all fucked by some zombies (I think) coming to kill them all. He is trying to save humanity (kinda) by teaming up with Khaleesi who is from a terrible family… So he makes his case and the two of them are nipping pretty hard in a cave and then some shit breaks out. Some third party tries to fuck over Khaleesi and then she’s like, “Nah, I’m gonna wreck these fuckers” and she goes and destroys everyone… With her dragons which I believe to be the first time she uses them.
It did get hit with an arrow which was fucked up. I almost felt like it was a dog that got hit by a car – that was the feeling I got – like, “Oh poor dragon” despite the fact that it just burned hundreds of people alive like it was the fucking Viet Cong.
I dunno, the dragon was like a cheat code in a game, but it was a cool scene.
Also, in that same scene there were like Middle Eastern lookin’ dudes on horses that were fighting with sickles – which was ridiculous. Do you know what a fucking sickle is? Shockingly, one was found at the new Water Cooler Sports HQ yesterday and it looks like this:
They were on fucking horseback with weapons that you’d need to be right next to someone for them to be effective… Regardless, they slaughtered (I think) and it was a bloodbath.
The Guy Who Banged His Sister Is Dead?
So the guy, who in last week’s episode banged his sister because she was just super horny (because she had murdered some lesbian bitch’s daughter), tried to take his shot – I mean, shooters shoot – and kill Khaleesi.
First off, if he killed Khaleesi, my interest in the show would be basically zero. That would mean there’d be no
hour long porno episode where Jon Snow and her finally get it on. That would kill it for me.
Luckily, as he was about to slay her (literally murder her, not boink her) the dragon reared its head around and was ready to give him the ol’ death by charbroil… So I was like, “Sweet, I never liked this incest weirdo anyway… Peace bitch!”
Buuuuuut he got knocked off his high horse right before getting toasted and he fell into a lake where it looked like he would just drowned. So he got saved from a death by fire, and instead drowned. What a way to go!!
The reason I think this idiot is 100% dead is that he is wearing armor that has to weigh a TON, plus he doesn’t have a hand and has a metal hand. So he is carrying a shitton of weight, PLUS he doesn’t even have a hand to help himself out! He’s fucked. I swam collegiately, but if you put all that stuff on me and throw me in a pool – I’m dead. No questions about it. I’m dead.
So I guess thank God that creep, weirdo is dead. He deserved it for trying to kill Khaleesi.
BONUS SCENE I FORGOT ABOUT
I don’t know if this will even play into the plot at all, but any time I can reference the real classy sophisticated box eating scene from earlier this season – I’m going to.
Khaleesi and the hot (kinda) black chick that (dickless) Dr Avery banged were chatting and the chick was like, “Oh yeah, we did stuff…” And Khaleesi was like what – what KIND of stuff (you know since the guy is flat in front like a Ken doll). And the chick was like, “LOTS OF STUFF!”
It was a hilarious reminder that Dr Avery doesn’t have a dick in this show, BUT he did an excellent job eating some puss.
I really enjoy not really “getting” this show but still watching it. It’s great. Can’t wait for next week!!
Waiting for the Big Bang,