MLB, in an attempt to become more cool and fun decided that on the weekend of August 25th-27th players can wear jerseys with their nicknames on the back.  This idea came about a few months ago, but the jerseys with the nicknames were released today today.  I’ve seen a few of them, some are very good, others are not.  Let’s look at a few winners and losers of Player’s Weekend nicknames:

Winner: Yoenis Cespedes


I’m glad he went with “La Potencia” instead of going with something like “Yo” or something.  La Potencia means “The Power” so that’s a pretty sick nickname.  However how weird is it that “Power” is a feminine noun in Spanish?

Winner: Aaron Judge

All Rise

God damnit.  It pains me to say it, but “All Rise” is pretty fucking good.  I hate that I like it, but what can you do?  The guy has tore it up this year and has a goddamn “Judge’s Chamber” section at the ballpark.  As much as I hate the Yankees, I’m a fan of witty word play and even I will admit they’re doing a lot right with Judge.

Loser: Giancarlo Stanton


Fucking “Cruz”?  Who the hell calls him Cruz?  Cruz is a last name anyways.  It’s not even unique or cool.  You can see Cruz on a jersey literally any other day of the week.

Loser: Manny Machado


I hate Machado.  That is well documented through this website and my tweets.  But I have the ability to give credit where credit is due (see: Aaron Judge).  Mr. Miami is dumb.  If he played for the Marlins then it’d be fine.  But he doesn’t, he plays for the Baltimore Orioles, in Baltimore.  Dumb name.

Winner: Kyle Seager


Hilarious.  I really enjoy this one.  Definitely no sibling complex there.

Loser: Carlos Correa


Correa is really good, but “Showrrea” seems like a bit of a stretch.

Winner: Starlin Castro


Again, it kills me to throw another Yankee on this list, but “All-Starlin” is pretty good.  Props.

Winner: Craig Kimbrel


Dirty Craig sounds like a sex position.  All in on that.

Winner: Noah Syndergaard


Nothing wrong with going with a nickname that everyone calls you.

Loser: Matt Harvey


If this was a couple years ago it would have said “Dark Knight.”  Going from “Dark Knight” to “Harv” is a quite the fall from grace.  Life comes at you fast.

Winner: AJ Ellis


Not sure why, but this one made me laugh.

Loser: Travis d’Arnaud

lil d

At least he’s proud of his tiny dick.

Winner: Dustin Pedroia


I’ve always loved the name “Laser Show.”  It’s so perfect.

Winner: Xander Bogaerts


“X” is so simple, yet intimidating.

Loser: Kelvin Herrera


A single letter “H” definitely doesn’t work like X does.

Winner: Brandon Moss


Moss Dogg is pretty dope.

Winner: Robinson Cano


I like it.

Winner: Nelson Cruz


“Boomstick” is a pretty sick baseball nickname.

Good Thought, Execution Not Quite: Travis Shaw


Jarred Carrabis gave Shaw the nickname “Mayor of Ding Dong City” when he was in Boston and it was awesome.  I love that Shaw embraced the name too.  However, it’s sadly too long and “Mayor – DDC” looks weird on the jersey.  It’s too bad they couldn’t put “Mayor Of” above the number and then “Ding Dong City” below the number.  Maybe next year.

Winner: Jarlin Garcia


I love this one.  This actually might be my favorite one.  It sounds like a character from Finding Nemo or something.  Jarlin the Marlin.

Biggest Loser: Brett Gardner


What a fucking loser.  Just putting his normal last name on this jersey.  I thought I couldn’t hate this guy more, but Jesus Christ.

Loser: Joey Votto


I guess Tikko 2 is some Korean thing, but Votto isn’t Korean.  Maybe I’m just dumb and don’t get it.  The Reds though are winners because those jerseys are awesome.

Honestly a lot of the gear for Players’ Weekend is pretty sweet.  The Phillies’ and Mariners’ hats are two things that caught my eye.

I liked going through these.  It’s too bad though that Pablo Sandoval isn’t still on the Red Sox so his jersey could say “Fatass.”  I was also sad Bartolo’s wasn’t “Big Sexy.”  I could literally sit here and go through every single team but I will spare you so I know I missed some.  Let me know which ones I did miss that you like, or hate.