We Need to Start a GoFundMe to Buy Golf Courses.

Living a life of privilege as a youth prior to the collapse of the Chesney family fortune and subsequent move to pornography and substance abuse (don’t worry Sea World, I’m clean!) I played junior golf for an exclusive golf club. Life was wonderful: free tees, free this, free mints, free caddies (pro tip: don’t ever actually free the caddies). I never paid for golf, so golf as a business model didn’t cross my mind, therefore the concept of a failing golf course eviscerated my mind.

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Golf is failing and not just at the local muni where your neighbor rips through 16 Buds and crashes his cart on the 4th hole. It’s also failing at tony exclusive courses. But when the NYT’s (also failing) “Your Money” section is cautioning against golf course investments, that’s exactly when to BUY. As Buffet said: “The best thing that happens to us is when a great company gets into temporary trouble… We want to buy them when they’re on the operating table.” Well, I’m ready to take out the spleen, sir!

There have been several strategies to encourage people to pick-up the game. One is allowing golfers to pay-per-hole; there was the Play9 initiative; Tiger Woods, etc. I believe to make a course succeed you need to blow away the price/differentiation frontier, just like the actual frontier. I hand to you on a silver platter: stripper caddy golf.

The market research says Atlantic City and Las Vegas are the only viable markets (as well as any town in Florida, including Tampa, Pensacola, and Tallahassee, but that would be like selling peanut butter at the pound – Control yourself Dog, you’re backed up!)

Surprisingly, there is risk that Vegas is too classy for stripper caddies, therefore we’re left with A.C.

The issue for Atlantic City is constructing the bio-dome over the entire course to enable four season operations. Back of the envelope:

  • for a single family home vinyl window, it costs $450 per window
  • We’re going to buy in bulk because we need to encase an entire 7000 yard golf course
  • 7000 * a factor of 500 sq yds = 3,500,000 sq yds of windows
  • Each window is 4 sq yds(?)
  • We would need to buy 875,000 windows at ~$100/window(?)
  • = $87,500,000 + soft costs of engineering a bio-dome…
  • Maybe just close the course during the winter

Or why reinvent the wheel… Top Heavy Golf: The Breastaurant.

 

 

Think About It,
Tank