As the NFL season is just now just two weeks away, that could mean one thing and one thing only…
That’s right and if you’re anything like our league, you’re waiting until the last minute to organize the draft time and get your league kicked off!!
Now, unlike other sports sites that might think it’s cool to name the top players, I don’t want to bore you with the same shit ESPN and Matthew Berry blast you with 24/7… Instead, we’re gonna talk about one of my favorites – LEAGUE PUNISHMENTS!!
Last year, our league finally got into the punishment game and issued a penalty for losing. What was it you may ask??
We had the last place team have to buy a year-long subscription to Brazzers that everyone had access to. Now, I personally think that is a hilarious penalty, so feel free to adopt that yourself (I’m sure Brazzers’ won’t mind the free plug here), but I want to list a few others I’ve heard of and my thoughts…
Getting Inked. Now, this one is a bit extreme if you ask me. I’m not a “tattoo guy” per se, so this would even make me think twice about participating in the league… But this is intense. If you and all your boys would actually nut up and do it (I’m sure there are leagues out there with 100% tatted up members), this could be hilarious.
Open That Tab. This one could get costly in a league of 12 people, but the loser sponsors an open bar for the league. I know for a fact in our league, this tab would be absolute insanity. However, it would be an excuse to get the crew together and you’d laugh at the loser all night as he absorbs probably a $1,000 tab… I guess this is really only a suggestion to big baller leagues.
Take the SAT’s. I’ve heard this before and absolutely love it… The loser has to pay for and take the SAT’s, and depending on how many losses they had, you have to get a test score higher than that in order to retain all your draft picks the following year. So, hypothetically let’s say you had 10 losses, you’d have to score a 1000 or higher (combined between Math & the other one) in order to retain your first round pick… Or something like that. Great idea, but it also potentially makes the shittiest team shittier, which is rough.
Public Shaming. This one could be really funny. Use your imagination but one I found that could be gold is to have your buddy (the loser of the league) hold a sign on the side of a road, like those dudes outside a mall/whatever that reads “I Suck at Fantasy Football!” No doubt it’ll be hilarious to watch from a nearby tailgate drinking a few beers. PLUS, it’ll brighten some people’s day up for sure.
Do You Want Paper or Plastic? This one I died laughing at. The loser of your league has to go to a really busy grocery store at peak times… Think like a Sunday morning where your Wegman’s/Whole Foods/whatever is packed as shit. All they have to do is get three objects: a cucumber, lube and condoms. I legitimately don’t think there is a funnier punishment. This one might be my favorite.
Belly Button Piercing. I mean, for a league of dude’s this is hilarious. Also, unlike the previously mentioned tattooing punishment, this isn’t permanent… Get a belly button piercing of like a starfish or something gay and the loser has to pay for it.
Love this time of year, nothing more exciting than looking that roster up and down like you’re going to win it all, only to look at it in Week 5 and think to yourself – WHAT HAVE I DONE?!?!
Fantasy is a Great Lesson in Capitalism – Don’t Suck,