Listen, office water cooler talk can get tricky. We’re here to offer you a couple one liners to get you out of uncomfortable situations where you don’t know wtf everyone is talking about… Take Saturday’s fight between Mayweather & McGregor for example. Everyone is talking about it, but maybe you didn’t want to spend $100 for a PPV of a fight everyone was saying would be a blowout… We don’t blame you! Actually, we’re here for you. Feel free to use these golden one liners if you wanna pretend you saw it while making small talk!!
Did You See What Mayweather Walked Out In? What a Clown!
This one is a little wordy and really all you need to do is show them that picture… He looks like a fucking idiot. Legit, his lips popping out of that ski mask look like a butthole. Gross!
If you want the real reason as to why he wore that mask, I guess it was low-key “We’re here to rob you of all your money” – which they kinda did, I guess… But we’ll get to the numbers later.
The Longest National Anthem Ever
So Demi Lovato sang the National Anthem at MGM Grand before the fight and it legitimately lasted like two and half minutes… I don’t know know how long it takes to sing the anthem on average, but boy oh boy did it seem like she was stretching her time in the spotlight as long as possible. Just elongating every syllable like five times over… It was nuts!
The First Three Rounds Were McGregor’s
Who knows how, or why, but the Irishman won those first three rounds undoubtedly… He came out ready to fight and
blew his load was firing like a crazy person. Big Fudge was with us and he had some shekels on McGregor winning the fight, so we were all fired up for what we were seeing. Again, the first three rounds were McGregor’s no doubt, and the possibility of an upset was there. I was starting to #billieve.
Then The Clock Struck Midnight
No joke, it was like all of a sudden McGregor’s arms started weighing a thousand pounds and he could NOT pick them up to defend himself. It honestly was alarming.
He was basically fighting with his arms at his waist and was just getting slugged. There was NO SHOT anymore that he was going to win unless it was on a freak haymaker. The best he could do was survive until the bell, and in the 10th round, he really just couldn’t survive anymore. He was moving slow and getting the shit kicked out of him.
The ref called the match. TKO, Round 10 – Mayweather.
Let’s Talk Money
This was probably my favorite part of this fight… I knew they were each going to make ridiculous amounts of money, but I never knew exactly how much. According to CBS Sports, Mayweather took home a purse of $100 million – and McGregor took home $30 million.
Yeah, I know Kevin. That’s insane. And since you’re an accountant, I want to say something that’s even crazier… Mayweather and McGregor will have to pay taxes on that. How much you ask?
Well, between the 39.6% federal tax rate and then things like social security and shit (#ThanksFDR), it’s around 43.2% total… There were no state or local taxes I saw in my 30 seconds of research for Las Vegas, so the total total rate is 43.2%. Now, REALLY how much did they take home?
Conor McGregor: $17,040,000.00
Floyd Mayweather: $56,800,000.00
The IRS: $56,160,000.00
That’s right ladies and gentlemen!! The IRS should receive almost the same amount of money Floyd “Money” Mayweather is going to see after this fight, and they did nothing. THAT is how taxes at the tippy top work.
Good or bad; agree with them or not… I’m just informing you. The IRS made three times as much money as Conor McGregor is going to see and no one at the IRS took any shots to the head from Floyd that he did (as far as I know).
I’ll tell you one thing, with the amount of money the federal government just got, they should probably finish some road work I’ve been driving past for the last 10 years of my life…
McGregor is Absolutely Hilarious
One thing I didn’t really like after the fight was that the two of them were smiling and being friends and shit.
I don’t know, I know that’s a thing in Boxing/UFC where they really respect each other but to me that seems bananas. You just spent an hour throwing haymakers at the guy and now you’re buddy buddy? Fuck that. I wish they really hated each other. That’d make boxing great. Legitimate hate.
But at the end, McGregor was his usual self in interviews after the match and said he made Mayweather “fight like a Mexican” which as hilarious (fast forward the video to 4:30).
— Cameron Thomson (@swindeorin) August 28, 2017
Hilarious. Just an Irishman with no filter. He’s hilarious and I hope we continue to hear from him cuz it’s great.
So that’s basically it. I think if you read this, you can easily walk to that water cooler and shoot the shit like you know what’s what. I believe in you. Now go get em!