Last week I did this recap really quick and I’m going to try to do another fast AF recap this week. Alright enough talking, let’s get right to it.

Ladies & gentlemen, I give you Week 2 of the NFL season!!

Panthers 9, Bills 3

Apparently nobody told these guys you ARE allowed to score touchdowns. This game was brutal to watch. It was a bummer to see Buffalo couldn’t maintain its stranglehold on the AFC East lead. Sad!

Ravens 24, Browns 10

I guess who didn’t see this result coming? Worth noting that rookie QB DeShone Kizer left with a “migraine” at one point, which I imagine he’ll get a lot being a Browns QB and all.

Cardinals 16, Colts 13

After last week when the Colts got smoked by the Rams, it was a surprise the game was even this close… In fact, the Colts even had the lead late, but Arizona fought it way back and more importantly covered so Big Fudge won a shit ton of money gambling.

Titans 37, Jaguars 16

Another one of those, “uhhh… ya think?” kinda results. The AFC South has some dumpster fires in it eh (the Jags, the Colts, the Texans offense)… It really should be Tennessee’s to lose if you ask me. Also worth mentioning, Jacksonville fans REALLY put the Bills Mafia on notice…

Chiefs 27, Eagles 20

I gotta say, the Chiefs are looking pretty darn good. Kareem Hunt and Tyreek Hill are just so explosive. Might be a team to watch… Also, fuck Philly. Great loss for other NFC East teams out there looking to maybe take advantage (👀 @Giants).

Patriots 36, Saints 20

Well, Tom Brady was pissed off after losing Week 1, and took it out on New Orleans more than AP ever took his anger out on a child with his switch. Honestly, I enjoyed the air display from Brees and Brady… But damnnit, this also means the Pats are back.

Steelers 26, Vikings 9

With Case Keenum under center, the Vikings are fucked. Literally no surprise they couldn’t do anything offensively. Easy win for the Terrible Towels.

Buccaneers 29, Bears 7

Mike Glennon with a chance to play his old team and prove his worth… Nailed it! Bears with a poor display, but I do love me some Jameis Winston!! The whole “fat but not fat” thing he’s got going is great.

jameis winston fat.jpg

Dolphins 19, Chargers 17

Phillip Rivers is the greatest unlucky quarterback of all time. I love him. He’s a dick. But Jesus… Guy can’t catch a break. Also, Smokin’ Jay Cutler atop the AFC East. I’m just sayin…

Raiders 45, Jets 20

Well, pretty simple here: the Jets suck and Marshawn Lynch danced on their graves.

Broncos 42, Cowboys 17

Soooooo, the Trevor Sieman-led Denver Bronco could score 42 points against Dallas’ defense and the Giants only mustered three?! Jesus…

Redskins 27, Rams 20

The real story-line here is that Jared Goff’s elite offense couldn’t pull out a win here after pouring it on Indy last week. Bummer.

Seahawks 12, 49ers 9

The 49ers quarterback (hilariously) is Brian Hoyer. He totaled 99 yards passing and only lost to the Seahawks by 3… I don’t know, I just don’t get Seattle.

Falcons 34, Packers 23

Evidently, Falcons fans are real! Almost 71,000 packed the new Mercedes-Benz Stadium which was nuts, aaaaand almost made you forget that there’s a Chic-Fil-A in that stadium that was closed during gametime… Almost!


And that’s it. 569 words to describe an entire week of football. We’ll be back next week as this will be a Monday tradition.



Until Then,