Growing up, I hated using public bathrooms — they were always dirty, they either smelled like 1984 sterility, or like the guy who was in there previously… And in all honesty, yes, I was a shy go-er. But nowadays, I have no problem using a public bathroom, as the level of cleanliness has greatly improved and I don’t give a shit (get it?) what the other people in the bathroom think anymore.

But I do have one major gripe with the new state of our country’s public bathrooms — motion sensor everything.

Now, I know there are good reasons to have sinks, toilets, and hand dryers on motion sensor — saves water, you don’t have to touch dirty knobs and handles, we need to flex our tech muscles to the aliens — I get it. But for fuck’s sake, it’s 2017… Can we please get some motion sensors that work?!

I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve gone to wash my hands, put my hands under the faucet to trigger the water, had the water shut off .63 seconds later and just gone, “well, looks like that’s as clean as they’re getting!”

Is this the world we want to live in? My hands are probably dirtier thanks to the faulty motion sensor sinks that we have everywhere. So either just give me control of the water (I promise I’ll be responsible), or develop the technology where the sink stays on for just a bit longer and doesn’t take eight waves of my hands to re-activate it!

Jerry Seinfeld is rolling in his grave and he isn’t even dead!!

Rant over.