Week 5 was meant to be the turnaround week for me and it wasn’t. Not even close. Heart got ripped out again. Sad!

Let’s just get to it….

Patriots 19, Buccaneers 14
I’m going to be honest, Thursday Night I got rocked in the city watching the Yankees game… So yeah, I got nothing here. Patriots back on top for the AFC East (tied).

Bengals 20, Bills 16
Damnit Buffalo… This win would’ve held you atop the AFC East and you let a trap game trap you. Seasons over.

Chargers 27, Giants 22
Speaking of “seasons over” – four Giants’ wide receivers went out of this game with ankles injuries… 0-5 could quickly be 0-16. Brad Wing is going to need to do a lot more consoling of Odell if we want to keep things under control…

Odell Beckham Jr Brrand Wing Really Weird Are the Gay.JPG

Jets 17, Browns 14
HOLY. SHIT… Five weeks into the regular season and the Jets are atop the AFC East (well… tied). #SuckForSam could not have been more inaccurate. #WinForJosh is more like it.

Panthers 27, Lions 24
The Panthers are very quietly 4-1. Don’t get me wrong, I still don’t respect them, but interesting…

Colts 26, 49ers 23
These was a battle of thoroughbreds. Who wanted it less? It took OT to settle this one – good to see Vinatieri is STILL somehow kicking.

Dolphins 16, Titans 10
Worth pointing out with this win, the Dolphins are in control of their own destiny in that AFC East (kinda) – only a half game back of the three way tie for first place. Also, O-Line coach, Chris Foerster, is a biiiiiiiiiiig coke guy (allegedly, it could just be sugar).

Eagles 34, Cardinals 7
Philly absolutely obliterated Arizona in the “Battle of the Carsons” – get it? I mean, they were basically just partying during the game it was so easy:

Philadelphia Eagles Baseball TD Celebration.gif



Jaguars 30, Steelers 9
The Steelers are in trouble. Losing this bad to Jacksonville has to hurt. I just have to imagine this team has WAY too many variables at play in the lockerroom and Tomlin is over it.

Ravens 30, Raiders 17
Did NOT see this coming!! We had multiples WCS supporters – and even Frank – at the game and it was just a disappointment for the Oakland faithful. Sad! I thought EJ’s hands would be big enough to win this one…

Seahawks 16, Rams 10
I cannot and will not be able to figure out the Rams. Are they good? Are they not? Just stick with one please, I can’t have this looming question mark going all season long.

Packers 35, Cowboys 31
Hey, if the Giants are going to suck, at least watching the Cowboys lose is a small win. Fuck the ‘Boys… Also, why they don’t just run every single play is beyond me.

Chiefs 42, Texans 34
JJ Watt is broken and that sucks for Houston, as the Chiefs continue to roll. Undefeated would be so sick for a random ass team like Kansas City. Might hop on that bandwagon.

And there you have it. 500 words recapping Week 5 of the NFL season. See you all next week.