Based on these tweets, I have concluded there are two types of women in this world:  One type that wants to see how many calories you can burn on a walk, and one type that doesn’t.  I mean come on, ladies, is this really a big deal?  Is this feature really “reckless?”  Is it?  IS IT??

Now, do I think this is fat shaming in any way?  No and if you think it is, you should get over it.  HOWEVA, I will say I do not hate them getting rid of this feature.  You see, for the casual exerciser like myself, I often wonder how many calories I burned on a walk or hike, but since I don’t know exactly how strenuous the workout was, I say to myself “well that was a nice walk, I should probably eat healthy for the rest of the day.”  If I were to look at my phone at the end of my walk and see it say “you burned 27 mini-cupcakes on that walk!” you can bet your ass I am finding 26 cupcakes and shoving them down my gullet faster than you can say “icing.”

I mean thank GOD it didn’t measure your calories in slices of pizza.  “You burned off 6 slices of pizza!”  Welp guess I’m inhaling five slices of pizza tonight!  And don’t even get me going on chicken wings.  I would go on a 90 mile hike to burn hundreds of wings just so I could eat pounds upon pounds of chicken wings.  I would undoubtedly become a much more unhealthier person because of this feature.

(Hubie Brown voice) Now here’s the difference between me and these fat shaming warriors:  I am not going to tweet at Google about how this new feature is actually making eating a challenge and thus making me eat more food (despite burning more calories).  I’m just going to either 1.) use another app because there’s like 100 different map apps out there or 2.) not pay fucking attention to it and not let it ruin my life because I am a normal person.  Seriously just go download Waze or be a peasant and use iPhone maps.  It’s not that hard.

One more thing – who the hell uses google maps (or any map app for that matter) to go on walks?  The only time I use google maps with the intent to walk is literally when I’m out at a bar and someone texts me and says “hey come to (insert bar name), it’s totally LIT!”* and I look up directions on how to get there.  In that state, the app could tell me I make a dollar for each step I take and I could care less.




*That doesn’t happen