This may sound like sour grapes… And maybe it is motivated by that a little bit, but I think the question needs to be asked: Is Jose Altuve doing coke?
I honestly didn’t think it, until I was watching the game with someone who NEVER watches baseball (so unbiased in that sense) on Saturday night, and that was the FIRST thing he said: “That guys GOTTA be on coke right now.”
At first everyone was like, “Oh, cuz he’s so fast right?”
And the response was pretty great – “Well, THAT, and he’s always chewing the invisible sandwich!”
Okay, so we’ll let you in on a little secret – “chewing the invisible sandwich” – is what people who are fucked up on coke do. They seemingly chew air… And Altuve does it A LOT.
And apparently this kid was NOT alone, people have taken note on Twitter:
Altuve gotta do coke
— I AM LEGEND (@RethicKulous1) October 21, 2017
Altuve has to be on coke my man is chewin a million miles a minute
— PaPi ChULo (@pistolpetey07) October 21, 2017
Now, I’m sure this is coming off as sour grapes, WHATEVER, but I only JUST realized it. Now I wanna start up the witch hunt! The guy is too small to be this good… GOTTA BE ON THAT BOOGER SUGAR!!
ALTUVE DOES COKE!!