Let’s do it. Let’s talk Week 7 of the NFL. And let’s do it super fast.

Raiders 31, Chiefs 30
I definitely didn’t have a dog in this fight, but Marshawn Lynch getting ejected, showing up to the stadium as a fan and then riding the subway home was ELECTRIC.

Bills 30, Buccaneers 27
The Bills are a half game back of the AFC East lead, and BILLS MAFIA IS BACK!!!

Seahawks 24, Giants 7
Giants fans, I hate doing this this, but I still believe. Every game from here on out is a must win. 10-6 is the only record that can get us into the playoffs. Until we have 7 losses, the year isn’t over…

Sad New York Giants Fans.jpg

Bears 17, Panthers 3
Cam Newton STINKS! And Mitch Trubisky continues to win with EXCEPTIONAL numbers…

Mitch Trubisky Week 7 Stats.PNG

I can’t move past that actually… That is ALL of the passing the Bears did yesterday. SEVEN attempts. How?! HOW?!?!?!?!?!

Titans 12, Browns 9
The Browns just seem to find a way. This is the fourth 3-point loss already for Cleveland. Sad!

Saints 26, Packers 17
The Saints went marching in Lambeau… And apparently that was tough on their footsies because Sean Payton in a really gay/weird move decided to reward his team with pedicures…

Jaguars 27, Colts 0
Can we all start publicly jaggin’ off to the Jaguars again? Is jaggin’ off back?

Jaguars Fans Jaggin Off.jpg

Rams 33, Cardinals 0
So last week I genuinely was fooled that AP will make the Cardinals great. Replace David Johnson with AP and all will be right in Arizona… Then they went to London yesterday and looked like a pile of garbage again.

Dolphins 31, Jets 28
I guess Jay Cutler got hurt, Matt Moore came in and looked great… So maybe signing him to a $16 million deal to AVOID starting Matt Moore WASN’T the best play, eh? Who’d have thunk!?

Vikings 24, Ravens 16
The 5-2 Vikings are winning games no matter who is under center, or running the football. This team is an anomaly I just do NOT understand!

Cowboys 40, 49ers 10
The 0-7 49ers are TRASH. They might as well sign Kaepernick and let him get the shit kicked out of him so at least they’re relevant and in the news again.

Steelers 29, Bengals 14
I honestly thought the Steelers were having a bad year but they’re 5-2… They have the top back in the league, a top 5 WR, and seem to just genuinely be having fun (see below). Should we start the AFC Championship talk yet?

Chargers 21, Broncos 0
I kinda thought the Broncos could be good this year – bad offense, great defense… Unfortunately you can’t win if you score 0 points. Sad!

Patriots 23, Falcons 7
No Super Bowl revenge this year… And now we have the running narrative that Tom Brady and the Patriots are “back“. UGH.

Boom. Less than 450 words. I. STILL. GOT. IT.