Between three on Turkey Day and all of yesterday’s glory, this was a hell of a week in the football world. So before you make an ass of yourself around the water cooler today, let’s make sure you know what you’re talking about… FAST!!

Redskins 20, Giants 10
The Giants are the worst team ever. Next.

Vikings 30, Lions 23
The Vikings are looking like Case Keenum is their “guy” and they should win the NFC North pretty easily… Also Frat Stafford getting hurt at the end of the game scares me from thinking the Lions are contenders.

Chargers 28, Cowboys 6
Phillip Rivers is leading the Chargers to the playoffs… You heard it here first. We should’ve kept him and Shawn Merriman Giants fans!!

Bills 16, Chiefs 10
If the Ravens lose tonight, the Buffalo Bills will have ended their 17-year playoff drought!! CIRCLE THE WAGONS BUFFALO FANS!!! (also, the wheels are just falling off Kansas City…)

AFC Playoff Picture

Falcons 34, Buccaneers 20
Julio Jones is like REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY good (12 catches, 253 yds & 2 TD’s). Also… Fitz-magic? More like Fitz-tragic!!

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Bengals 30, Browns 16
“If an NFL game happens but no one watched it… Did it really ever happen?” THAT is what the case was here I’m pretty sure.

Titans 20, Colts 16
After a pretty rocky start, the Titans have won 5 of the last 6 and are tied atop the AFC South with the Jags… Not too shabby Titans fans!

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Patriots 35, Dolphins 17
Did anyone one the planet think this game would go otherwise? Skinny Big Cat sucks at football…

Panthers 35, Jets 27
Jets lose, yeah whatever… Bigger story? Robby Anderson lobbies to the camera after his TD for his spot in the Pro Bowl (cuz that matters) and also… takes a nap? Maybe a “don’t sleep on me” message sent? Not sure exactly, but I love it.

Eagles 31, Bears 3
The Eagles are really good, but I just waiting for that Philly moment where they blow it… I can’t wait. I’m sure all of that city has the worst anxiety right now.

Seahawks 24, 49ers 13
The only thought I had watching this game was, “How in the WORLD did the Giants lose to this team?” Legitimately stunning!!

Raiders 21, Broncos 14
All you have to say in this one is: “Did you see the fight?!” – because it was LIT:

Rams 26, Saints 20
The Saints lost their streak, and the Rams remain really surprisingly good… The thing I took away was that Drew Brees looked ROUGH – and if you’re a New Orleans fan, that’s gotta scare you.

Cardinals 27, Jaguars 24
If the Jaguars defense is supposed to be good – you can’t let Blaine Gabbert beat you. Safe to safe I am “OUT” on the Jaguars.

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Steelers 31, Packers 28
Give Aaron Rodgers a billion dollar contract and the ownership rights to this Green Bay team because without him they are ROUGH. Kinda shocking they put up 28 to be honest. Steelers also very quietly 9-2 and setting themselves up for a nice playoff showdown with the Patriots!

And there you have it, you’re all up to speed, and JUST over 500 words… Now get out there sports fan and pretend you SPORTS!!