I don’t know how or why, but about a week ago Big Fudge came home and brought up a conspiracy that his
idiot friends from back home (Rockaway Beach, NY) seem to all believe: HELEN KELLER WAS BULLSHIT.
Now, the first time I heard it, I was blown way… WHAT?! Of course that’s ridiculous! We were taught who Helen Keller was from an early age. She learned how to speak despite being blind AND deaf – a TRUE triumph of the human spirit… or was it?!
Now, Big Fudge actually is with us guys* – usually he’s crazy too (see chair/couch debate) – but even he agrees that Helen Keller 100% is real.
Here’s a couple avenues to their side of the conspiracy that were interesting to hear:
- She was real, HOWEVER, she was one or the other – deaf OR blind, but not both – making her a FRAUD! Why? Because there is NO WAY a human could learn to speak if they were BOTH blind and deaf… Honestly, a fair point. But this is where Big Fudge yells, “YOU GUYS CAN’T SAY SHE COULDN’T HAVE DONE THAT JUST BECAUSE YOUR BRAIN CAN’T COMPREHEND HOW SOMEONE CAN OVERCOME SO MUCH!!“
- She was completely made up, and she was just some folklore bullshit made up to help people believe that you can do anything – that even without the gift of sight OR hearing, Helen Keller was able to learn how to speak and say profound things… BULLSHIT!! They believe it was all just a story to tell kids to inspire them.
Now, you may be saying, “But there are pictures and videos of her… Of course she’s real!” The truthers’ response is simple: “I don’t believe that’s her. How can you prove that her?”
Honestly, I can’t prove that any one girl who I never knew, in a picture or video is definitively her… Just like I also can’t prove that the pictures/videos of Hitler are him either. But I still believe that that little mustached psycho is him!
The craziest part, is that Big Fudge and I were getting dinner with a certain Rockaway legend last week who has a bar named after him in Syracuse, NY, who previously had no side to the argument. And he didn’t know where we stood or anything…. So we figured he’d be a great fresh perspective to the debate, so we asked him, “Hey Tommy, do you think Helen Keller was real?”
He thought about it for a minute… And then said he doesn’t believe it!!
It was fucking insane!
But that wasn’t the end of these “Helen Keller” things… I really wish it was, but it wasn’t. And now I’m afraid there is no end in sight.
This chick Zoe Pugh who I follow on Twitter, and I’ve even written posts about for some of the hilarious shit she tweets, I noticed THIS is on her Twitter profile:
Did you see the line: “Helen Keller was a fucking fraud.“??
Now, I’ve heard Zoe is from a town out near Rockaway – but does that mean this conspiracy is location specific? Is this just maybe like ONE 3rd grade teacher said it in front of her class (maybe even as a joke) and as a result, the next thing you know we have a generation of people FROM ONE AREA that are all like, “NAH FAM!! Helen Keller’s whole spiel was made up!!“???
This is honestly one of the most insane things I’ve ever even thought of questioning.
* = I realized after I wrote this I just assume everyone is on our side of the argument from the get go… Very possible you’re not now that I know how many people out there actually don’t believe it.