It’s not everyday that you come up with a trillion dollar idea, nor is it everyday that your Lord and Savior rises from the dead… But Sunday, Easter Sunday, happened to feature both of those.
Since I’m pretty sure you’re familiar with the story regarding the latter of those two, I’ll fill you in (winky face) on the first. And SPOILER ALERT it’s hilarious.
“I WAS A VICTIM OF A HATE CRIME.“
– My 100% Irish cousin (who was in a predominately white area).
Sunday with the fam, we were sitting around at our grandpa’s place, sippin’ mo-mo’s and talking about life, swapping stories and whatever… You know how it goes, when one particularly insane story hits.
My cousin had parked across the street at her grandmother’s house the day before. When she got into the car, she realized there was a banana peel under her windshield wiper. At first it was funny, like “What the heck?! Why would someone put a banana peel under my windshield?”
But then we learned the ACTUAL reason…
My uncle had parked in that exact spot a month earlier and the neighbor (who’s evidently a real jack-wagon) left him a note. The note (basically) said “Hey Buddy, I shovel the sidewalk where you parked your car… NOT YOU!! So stop parking here!!”
First of all, just shoveling sidewalks doesn’t make PUBLIC STREET PARKING yours – so this guy is an idiot. Second, he remembered my uncle’s car so his personal parking enforcement policy seems to be “Strike 1 – you get a written warning. Strike 2? You get a banana peel!”
My cousin then announced that while at first she thought it was funny, the more she thought about it, the more she believed it was a hate crime. They targeted her specifically and that was eff’ed up. I kinda see where she’s coming from (I guess) but also, a white female calling something a hate crime is always going to be an uphill battle.
Anyway, that got us to laughing at this banana peel bandit… And then we realized it:
We shouldn’t be knocking this guy, we should be emulating him!!
And THAT is where the business idea comes into play…
We start a company that is REAL simple – people hire us to leave banana peels under other people’s windshield wipers!!
It doesn’t hurt them, so they can’t sue. It is just annoying (and gross). And the idea behind it is that we’ll do it FOR people, so you’re essentially just hiring a hitman to carry out this harmless task.
You can do it to prank a friend, you can do it to fuck with an ex-boss, ex-boyfriend/girlfriend, or just whoever… You just pay us, and we put a banana peel under people’s windshield wipers!
The “victim” would be left wondering who they besmirched and what they did to deserve this atrocity (or “hate crime” if you’re my cousin)?!
But guys, a TRILLION dollar idea doesn’t end with one genius idea like that…
We got ahead of the curve. We said we need to simultaneously start a detective unit that is for hire to investigate who did this to people.
People would then hire the “Banana Peel Detectives” to figure out who is out there putting banana peels under their windshield! We’ll set them up under a separate untraceable business entity so no one gets that we’re both intertwined… Shell corporations!
And thus we’ve double dipped, turning a half billion dollar idea (obviously the first one) into a trillion dollar idea (BOTH of them, since ya know, that’s how math works).
So as you can see, Easter Sunday gave birth to TWO entirely new industries – one of harmless pranking, and another of investigating those harmless pranks.
It’s a wonder with genius like this I’m not a trillionaire already… I guess it just takes time.