First and foremost, why the hell is this happening in my country?  If you had told me this was Australia or like Thailand or something I wouldn’t bat an eye.  But why the hell are rattlesnakes and fucking bobcats running rampant on sidewalks in Arizona?  I get that Arizona is the desert and that there’s dangerous, wild animals in the desert, but Jesus Christ let’s put up a fence or something so I’m not walking my dog between a venomous snake and a wild cat.

Alright I digress, let’s talk about the actual matchup.  In one corner we have a rattlesnake, one of the most venomous snakes in the United States.  rattller.jpgLook at that thing.  That is one bad looking mother fucker.  In the other corner, we have a bobcat.  bobcat.jpgA majestic creature in its own right.  Sure they look cute and cuddly, but these ferocious felines will rip your face off and won’t even think twice.

Now as far as the matchup goes, we got two animals from different classes.  A reptile and a mammal.  Not only that, but these animals have different styles of locomotion and attacks.  You got the rattlesnake that slithers and strikes, while the bobcat uses their quick feet to bounce and jump out of the way while batting and with their huge, sharp claws.  Well now let’s break down the tape:

Screen Shot 2018-04-06 at 2.49.11 PM.pngStarts off with our friend the bobcat biting the snakes head(?) and body.  Veteran move by the bobcat to bite near or on the head to prevent the snake from being able to sink its fangs in him.

Screen Shot 2018-04-06 at 2.51.04 PM.pngBobcat continues his offensive attack as he bats the snake around a little bit.  He gets a little risky here though as he leaves the head unattended, giving the snake a chance to strike back.

Screen Shot 2018-04-06 at 2.53.10 PM.pngBobcat’s onslaught continues as he just bats rattlesnake around like a shoelace.  Things are looking grim for rattlesnake.

Screen Shot 2018-04-06 at 2.54.58 PM.pngRattlesnake had to pull out the old “play dead” strategy here.  It’s all he had left.  He had been bitten, beaten, and battered around.  He was in over his head, but decided this last stitch effort in an effort to lull the bobcat into a false sense of security before he struck.

Screen Shot 2018-04-06 at 2.57.52 PM.pngAnd this is what he call a “missed opportunity” folks.  The bobcat has lost its attention and is looking elsewhere.  This was the perfect moment for the rattlesnake to strike and bite the bobcat right in the throat.  Why didn’t he make his move?  This was his one chance, and he blew it.

Screen Shot 2018-04-06 at 3.00.46 PM.pngFinally, after about a ten second stalemate, the rattlesnake makes his attack, albeit too late.  The bobcat was paying attention and used his elusive feet to avoid rattlesnake’s strike.

Screen Shot 2018-04-06 at 3.02.31 PM.pngWell, it was all over from there.  Once the bobcat regained his footing, it was over for the rattlesnake who was thrown around like a ragdoll until…

Screen Shot 2018-04-06 at 3.04.13 PM.pngBobcat secured the rattlesnake head in his mouth.  The rattlesnake is presumably dead at this point and the bobcat walks away, victorious.

An honorable fight by the rattlesnake, but it all came down to his inability to strike when the bobcat wasn’t looking.  Not sure if he got scared, or what, but he choked and paid the ultimate price.


PS – How fucked up would it be if the rattlesnake won and bit the bobcat and then we watched the bobcat die a slow, painful death due to the venom.  Society is so pro-mammal (which is fine with my btw).