All my life I’ve always been on the rather “skinny” side of humans (especially if you’re going by 2018 guidelines) and I thought to myself recently: “Why am I being so selfish and keeping this GENIUS dieting plan I’ve lived by for so long to myself? Why not* share this with the world? I could single-handedly cure obesity!!”
So, if you want the diet that’s been working VERY well for Producer Tim & I, it’s really simple… But you’re going to need to REALLY put your heart** and soul into this, because as we know most great things in life don’t cum easy.
Here’s what you I’m going to recommend you do tonight:
Pickup a case of Red Bull & a few handles of vodka. Why? Well, according to your new diet, you are no longer allowed to eat actual food.
Every time you’re hungry, you’re going to drink this heavenly beverage. Now, if you do it right and have A LOT of them, you’ll be soooooo sick tomorrow morning THRU the afternoon that you’ve already made it past your first two meals – CONGRATULATIONS!!!
Now, by nighttime you might still be feeling pretty sick – and you won’t be sure whether it’s that you’re hungry or still hungover. That’s VERY normal. Remember though, you don’t eat anymore! So to try and cure this “hunger” pain you think you may be having, reach for another RBV!! And then after your first have a few more until you’re stomach thinks it’s “full.”
Repeat this diet for the next couple weeks and you should be looking VERY slim.
An added side bonus is that during this process your stomach will shrink! So even when you get off the diet, it’ll take a LONG ass time before you can eat like the fat hog you once were!
PLEASE NOTE: Throwing up during this diet is not required per se, BUT you’ll find yourself having to at times IF YOU’RE DOING IT RIGHT because you’ll think it will cure your hangover (Spoiler Alert: It won’t!).
Good luck and I really hope this diet can help get all of your “Beach Bods” ready for those final Labor Day Instagram bikini pics you’re gonna want to flaunt for the next six months!!
* = DISCLAIMER: This is probably not “safe“ per se but it sure will be “fun” – we can guarantee that.
** = No, seriously your heart is going to hurt after doing this. And I don’t mean brokenhearted, lovey-dovey shit. I mean your heart, the actual organ, will HURT.