I spent most of last night watching the Sox/Phillies game, but when I saw the Mets were down 19-1 I knew there was a chance that a position player would be pitching.  There are very few things that get my engine revving like position players pitching.  I don’t know why.  It doesn’t quite get me off, but it’s kind of like foreplay.  I start getting excited and by the end of it, I need to get off.

I flipped it over to see what was going on and Keith Hernandez was reading a story out of the Mets media guide about the 1969 World Series while SNY was playing symphony music behind it, while the game was going on.  There was no broadcasting.  Ron Darling and Gary Cohen were just listening.  It was one of the biggest mail times these eyes have ever seen.  I wish I had tuned into earlier to see how exactly they got to that point, but unfortunately I was a little late.

Anyways, I turned it back to the Sox game, but kept a close eye on the Mets, knowing that when the bottom of the 8th hit, a position player would be pitching for the Mets.  Who would it be though?  Flores was my guess.  Utility guy and decent athlete makes sense.  Maybe rookie Jeff McNeil?  He kind of fit the mold.  They probably wouldn’t have Nimmo or Conforto or someone they actually care about pitch.  Ideally, I was hoping maybe for Joey Bats, but the Mets did one better as they put Jose Reyes on the mound.

Now usually in these situations, the offensive team just kind takes some big daddy hacks and fly out a few times.  They aren’t really trying considering they’ve had like 14 at bats already and they just want to get out of there.  But the Nats did not do that.  They kept the foot on the gas pedal, made Reyes throw strikes, and tagged him up for 6 runs en route to making him pitch FORTY EIGHT pitches.

The video is 17 minutes long, but here are some highlights:

  • 0:01 – Reyes tries pitching before Zimmerman and the ump are ready.
  • 3:50 – After Juan Soto battles for ten pitches and hits a double, it is revealed that Reyes is wearing Jacob deGrom’s glove
  • 4:22 – Matt Adams hits a home run that’s called a double, but the umpires review it because it really matters in this 19-1 game and call it a homer
  • 7:07 – Ron Darling says “ah he’s getting tired, he’s dropping that elbow down on the breaking ball.” while Keith Hernandez laughs
  • 8:30 – With a runner on first Hernandez says “I think Reyes can go from the windup if he wants.  Nobody is going to run.” 
  • 12:40 – Hernandez yells “He doesn’t have an out pitch!” 
  • 12:53 – Wilmer Difo rips a ball to right and busts his ass for a triple.  No mercy.  This hit also triggered a visit from Mets pitching coach Dave Eiland
  • 14:22 – Reyes breaks out the 49 mph curveball
  • 14:40 – Reyes tries to throw the efus again and the 54 mph curveball hits Zimmerman and Zimmerman pretends to charge the mound.  Keith Hernandez says “Reyes is probably thinking, ‘please charge that way we both can get thrown out’.”
  • 15:17 – Gary Cohen sums it up best when he says “You know it was fun when it started, I don’t think it’s quite as fun anymore” and Hernandez adds in “It’s not.”

After the game, Reyes said he had always wanted to pitch an inning before he retired.  Well good for him.  He got to pretend to be a pitcher for an inning and has a career 54.00 ERA.  Now he and his .170 batting average get to go back to pretending to be a position player.

Anyways, just when you thought this game couldn’t get more ridiculous, now former Nats pitcher Shawn Kelley comes in, gets yelled at by the field umpire for not coming set, then gives up a home run to Austin Jackson and throws his glove down on the field in disgust.

This thing turned into a goddamn slowpitch softball game.  One team absolutely tees off on the other team and puts up like 40 runs.  Then the team winning big comes out for the last inning and one dickhead on their team that thinks they’re playing for, well the Washington Nationals, makes an error or something and chucks his glove and starts mother fucking everything in site.  Unreal.  Then, in a hilarious twist, after the game, the Nats DFA’d Kelley because they felt his actions were disrespectful to the game.  You can’t make that shit up!

So just to summarize, Keith Hernandez and the Mets broadcasting crew were just straight up not paying attention to the game and instead reading the Mets media guide aloud.  Jose Reyes A.) pitched B.) pitched forty-eight pitches and C.) gave up six earned runs.  And finally a Shawn Kelley got released because he threw his glove on the ground like he was in Bad News Bears because he gave up homer in a game where his team was up 25-1 at the time.  What a goddamn game!


PS – The Mets broadcasting crew of Cohen, Hernandez, and Darling arguably is the best in sports.  Those guys are unbiased, hilarious, and tell it like it is regardless of who it is.