Full disclosure… since June 23rd, this summer has been ripping away at my mind, body and soul.

Think I’m being even a little bit sarcastic? It’s been (this is the real life order of my summer by weekend): bachelor party in Atlantic City, Cape Cod/a housewarming (that was a double whammy), LBI for the weekend, a two day lake ripper in Lake Sacandaga, then the Saratoga race track, followed by another LBI weekend, and finally last weekend was another lake weekend, this one in Skaneatles which is WILD (@UncleDan, I know for a fact you’re not reading this, but you’re a fucking rockstar).

The term “noodle brain” is pretty much EXACTLY how I feel right now… but sometimes that’s how the best ideas are born*, right?

Well, Sunday night I came home delirious as ever and a thought hit me.

I think there might be a POSSIBILITY that the Earth doesn’t spin.

You, an Earth Spinning Truther: “That is beyond retarded Taylor… How could that be possible?! We’ve been taught that the Earth spins since we were kids!

You’re right, but you were also told Pluto was a planet and Santa was real… so I’m not just going to trust things we heard when we were kids… Here’s my case:

Think of pictures of the Earth from space… It’s this big round beautiful blue and green planet with white clouds. Really a majestic space rock when you think about it!

But what do all these pictures have in common?

THEY’RE CRYSTAL CLEAR!!

How does one take a photo of a moving object and get there to be no blur? It doesn’t make sense. Go ahead, open SnapChat right now and move your head around and snap a selfie. It’s going to be blurry as shit. See what I mean?

Need another ironclad argument? When I jump in the air (and get CRAZY hang time, nbd), why do I land in the same spot? If the Earth was spinning “super fast” like traditional science claims, I’d jump and since the world would be spinning underneath me, by the time I landed, I’d be in China (or at least a few feet away)…

You, an Earth Spinning Truther: “Okay, ignoring how dumb that is… How do you explain the sunrise and sunset?

Okay, well take a tennis ball and put a dot on it where you are (hypothetically). Now move it in a circular motion around a central object – the “sun” but don’t spin the ball at all. At some points the dot where you are will be facing away from the sun (that’d be nighttime) and sometimes you’ll be on the sunny side (that’d be daytime).

And just like that, your sunrise/sunset argument against why my theory is dumb would be debunked!

You, an Earth Spinning Truther: “Good Lord. Okay, well in a calendar year, the Earth goes around the sun exactly one time per year. Are you suggesting we’re moving around the sun 365 times faster than we think we are?

First, I didn’t know that thing about the Earth doing laps around the sun once per year… So that must be PRETTY embarrassing for you for being such a nerd and knowing that!

Image result for hah nerd gif

Secondly – yes, I am saying that. Who’s to say how fast or slow we are moving? We don’t know! We’re just going to trust some bozo who arbitrarily picked 365.25 as the number of days it takes for us to do a lap around the sun?! That seems even crazier than my theory!

You, an Earth Spinning Truther: “Jesus. Do you think the earth is flat too?!

No, asshole. I told you earlier to draw a dot on a tennis ball and circle it around the sun. That whole exercise would’ve been for nothing if I thought it was flat (although for the record, if you did it with a piece of paper it would still work… just saying).

I think by this point you’ll find yourself a little bit more into the “MAYBE it’s possible” boat. I’m not saying to shout it from the rooftops as pure fact (only because my brain hasn’t thought long enough about it yet) buuuuuuuut you have to admit, there has to be a small shadow of a doubt that I’m right.

I’d say this is a small victory in my never ending battle against traditional science.

 

 

KEEP FIGHTING THE POWER,
@WCS_Taylor

 

 

* = There are literally zero examples to support this claim.