Life as a blogger here at Water Cooler Sports can be hard.

For example, yesterday after working my dick off* at my “real” job, I had to go home and juggle walking the dog, dinner, setting up this weekend’s bachelor party, finally doing my 2017 taxes, watching the Yanks game, watching Bachelor in Paradise (our boy Nick crushed it btw), and lastly the Hard Knocks premiere where we get to see the most hilarious franchise in the history of sports – the Cleveland Browns.

Now, I’m not going to go in depth on how the Yankees are great again because they have Sonny Gray coming out of  the pen and he’s going to save our arms in shitty situations. I’m not even going to get into Nick’s handful of one-liners last night that were DYNAMITE. I’m gonna talk Hard Knocks… and not event the entire episode of Hard Knocks, just like ONE scene.

When I flipped it on it looked like it was a coach’s meeting. They had some scrubs give a report of who’s not dressing for practice – presumably due to injuries – and then those guys were excused… Time for the REAL men to talk. Not some soft pussy doctors.

A couple of the coaches were BIIIIIIG football guys and basically were like, “It’s bullshit so many guys are sitting out of practice. They should be grittier.” They didn’t say that exactly, I’m paraphrasing, but basically that’s what was said.

Then Hue Jackson says, “Oh yeah? Well this is my team and now that I sit here (as head coach), I am okay with it. I remember sitting there (as an assistant coach) and saying the same thing as you, but now that I run the show, I’m okay with it… You wouldn’t get it but when you’re sitting here, it’s different. I was there I remember, but it’s different from here. In my seat. As head coach.” Again, these words are paraphrased, but you get it.

Then – and I’m not even kidding – he goes back and forth with these football guys about how these guys should or should not be playing, but it keeps somehow getting back to “Well, I’m the head coach, so whatever I say goes and I say it’s okay to have these guys sit out.

All this just seemed really awkward and whatever, but here’s where it got especially “Browns” to me…

Hue ends it with a “I want to learn to get better, and I want all your input and we’ll make this thing better” type of comment – AFTER TELLING EVERYONE PRESENT HE CALLS ALL THE SHOTS WHEN THEY SUBMITTED THEIR FEEDBACK.

I watched a decent amount of the show and can honestly say, if ANY organization was run by a guy like that – it’d fail.

I want your feedback, but I really don’t because when I get it, I’ll shit on you and remind you how important I am.

Listen, Hard Knocks showed a few nice plays (including a one handed catch from Jarvis Landry [who they called “Juice” – is that a thing]) that were pretty nice, but if anything, it revealed to me Hue Jackson runs a clown show.

Who would’ve thunk the Browns could surprise me as bigger idiots than I already thought?!

Complete curveball!!



Browns Gonna Brown,





* = I did NOT work my dick off. I only worked kinda hard… But any excuse to get me to reference the It’s Always Sunny “a keg blew Dennis’s dick off” video is always a great idea: