Back in April when the NFL calendars were released, lots of NFL fans (myself included) probably saw this Jets-Browns Thursday Night Football game as… well, trash.

You figured you’d be seeing two of the worst teams in the league going at it and this would be one you’d be better off re-watching the same episodes of The Office on Netflix you’ve already seen 7,000 times…

But heading into last night, things were NOTHING like that. Instead, we had story-lines GALORE – and if you know me you’d know I’m a biiiiiiig plot guy.

We had the Browns who clearly were getting closer to ending their win-less streak (which would’ve ended twice already if their ex-kicker wasn’t just complete dogshit… Sorry Zane, but you know it’s true). We had Sam Darnold being anointed WAY TOO QUICKLY as the savior of Gang Green. We had Isaiah Crowell coming back for revenge to the team that let him walk*. There was the whole “When will Baker take over?” narrative. AND we just saw the Browns trade PROBABLY their most talented player of the last seven years earlier in the week… So yeah, safe to say there was a THICC plot heading into last night.


(Well, actually it held up after the first seven possessions all led to punts, FOUR of which were three-and-outs…)

The Jets started off strong with a 14-0 lead, capped off with a TD celebration by Crowell so disrespectful to his old team that I had to watch it like fifty times:

(P.S. Who knew Crowell was a front-to-back kinda guy… WHAT A PSYCHO!!)

But the problem for Gang Green was that all their success kinda stopped there…

Once Tyrod Taylor, who missed out on a couple easy touchdowns had he just thrown the ball a little harder, was taken out of the game with a concussion – it was Baker Mayfield time in Cleveland!!

He had a SOLID NFL debut, going 17 for 23, with 201 yards, posting a QBR of 94.9!! But his lack of passing touchdowns was made up for when he did this:

It was at that point Bud Light KNEW they actually might have to unlock those fridges and Cleveland was about to have a few one the house!!

After the Jets responded with a field goal, it was time for Baker to prove his worth. And boy did he ever – orchestrating a 75-yard touchdown drive that took 6 minutes off the clock… I mean, this kid is just elite!!

Darnold, who again I can’t state enough was definitely PROBABLY anointed the next Joe Namath a little too quickly, had 2 minutes to drive the field for a touchdown… aaaaand instead threw a pick!!

Congrats to Brown-town for finally getting that W – congrats to Bud Light for the greatest marketing move ever (no joke, the total cost of the beers was less than $5k they gave away and you got an entire country talking about this), and congrats to this guy, for catching Friday’s supper at the game:

I swear, Cleveland fans are deranged man… But I guess 635 days without a win will do that to ya!



Kings Stay Kings,



* = Just kidding, I don’t think ANYONE was talking about that… But why? He was the Browns best back for three years and then left and no one was talking redemption? Shame on mainstream media… Shame!

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