If you’re anything like the guys here at Water Cooler Sports, you’ve had the age old “How Do You Wipe” debate…
You know the one – are you a righty or lefty? A “Front-to-Back” or a “Back-to-Front” kinda guy? Do you do it from the side, or through the legs, or maybe you twist & get it from behind? Do you sit, crouch/squat or are you a complete pyscho who stands up? Sorry, I didn’t mean to get on here and judge HOW you wipe your ass… Oh wait, nvm… That’s exactly what this blog is about.
Earlier Tayls wrote about the Browns-Jets TNF game that really was electric, but the most appealing thing that happened, IF YOU ASK ME, was Crowell’s whole “wiping his ass with the football and launching it into the stands” touchdown celebration. You know, this one:
— Steve (@therealspb) September 21, 2018
Anyway, if you break down the tape, you’ll notice Crowell is a southpaw (matching the way he throws, which we also learn when he shows off his CANNON of a left armfiring the poop-ball into the stands) who seems to be a side wiper… Which is fine. I’m a righty, side kinda wiper too, so this is fine if you ask me.
The position, I’d say, is either a sit or a crouch, potentially elevating above the seat to give him some room to operate – again, pretty standard stuff if you ask me.
The thing that really gets me is his front to back move.
Front to back, AND CORRECT ME IF I’M WRONG, leaves you with poopy TP at the back of the toilet seat, a little too far from the water where it belongs… THINK ABOUT IT. Why would you wipe away from the water where that poop smelling tissue paper belongs? Wipe toward it and boom, less smell because it dunks right into the water… Unreal!
He does give it the proper few wipes, I’d say enough to make sure it’s ALL clean before it’s said and down, which is FINE… I just get so hung up on the front-to-back move that I can’t… I just can’t even.
Anyway, shoutout to Isaiah for putting this debate on the forefront of NFL fans minds… How do you wipe? #LetMeKno in the comments and maybe we’ll keep up more thought provoking debates like this in the future!!