General rule of thumb on a commute anyway in NYC is to engage no one. If a person talks to you, try to neg them right off the bat. If they engage again, maybe glance quickly but ultimately just wave them off.

Yesterday, a grave mistake was made by me and the following OUTRAGEOUS claim was made because of it… One such claim I won’t soon forget.

I looked up from my phone to see a guy saying something to me, or at the very least saying something¬†at me and I should’ve just ignored him. I really should have. Ignore a man and he’ll be too embarrassed to keep shooting his shot… Give him life, and he’ll never let you forget it.

I made the grave mistake. I engaged.

Me: “What?
Black Man: “You know you look like an actor.”
Me: “Oh, haha.

(I tried to let it go from there but again, it was too late. I already fudged up. He had his claws into me. I’m so stupid!!)

Black Man: “Yeah, he’s on this show I watch on CW11 (blah, blah, blah, blah blah)…

(He went on for a bit about the show but all I could think of was (A) that it was funny this man was watching shows on CW11 and (B) was black and assumed me, a white guy, looked like a random other white guy… Talk about reverse racism! I should’ve told him he looks like OJ.)

Black Man (after fumbling around on his phone looking for a picture): “…here he is! RICHARD HARMON!!
Me: “Yeah, I don’t know who that is.
Black Man (approaching to show me his phone): “You’re probably not going to see it, cuz ya know, it’s you… but…

(Shows me this:)

richard harmon.jpg

Black Man: “Yeah, I’ve seen you on this train before and thought maybe you were him… I’ve almost asked you before if you was him! Hahaha!
Me: “Haha, yeah… Not me. Sorry!

(At this point, I’m like… Alright dude. Well, I’m not him. Also, you’ve seen me before (?!) and clearly know I’m not him, yet STILL decided you should approach a total stranger on this? LEAVE ME THE FLIP ALONE YOU SERIAL KILLER!!)

Luckily, he got off at the stop before mine, because if he got off at mine, I’m pretty sure I’d be dead and he’d be wearing my skin Arya Stark-style pretending to be Richard fucking Harmon.

A weird convo to say the LEAST.

Now, that concludes Taylor’s Commute Diary for today, but it brought to my attention a sadder reality. The reality of my extreme decline.

Let me paint you a picture of a sales call I was on… This was no more than five years ago, I remember being at a client’s house in the greater Syracuse, NY area with my boss. The client was a widow and I’d say she was fairly attractive. I was probably about 23(ish) years old.

After chatting it up for a bit, we signed some papers (your boy made that PAPERRRRRR) and the lady tells me that I looked like two (extremely famous and WAY more attractive) people. She threw out Justin Timberlake, and “the guy… the main guy from Twilight.” At the time, I honestly had no clue who she was talking about regarding the Twilight guy (because I’m not a fag who watching shows about werewolves and vampires). Later I had to guess she was talking about Robert Pattinson, but that’s only because she couldn’t possibly have meant Taylor Lautner.

justin timberlake looks like wCS_taylor don't think so.jpg
This is Justin Timberlake.
10th Annual GO Campaign Gala - Arrivals
This is Robert Pattison.
This is me (as far as this site knows).

Now, did I just bring up this story to remind people of how one time some attractive older woman told me I looked similar to two famous, attractive men? Yes. Of course not! I would never use this platform to toot my own horn.

Image result for toot toot gif

No, the reason I brought this up is to say that I, JUST FIVE YEARS AGO, was told I looked like Justin Timberlake OR “the guy from Twilight” and now recently was told I look like an actor who appears on CW11 and looks like an ugly ass hipster.

richard harmon.jpg

Damn… the mighty have fallen!

That is just the sad reality I had to cry myself to sleep to last night.

Let’s just hope I learned my lesson and just never talk to anyone again EVER, for any reason, no matter what, no matter where I am, regardless of the time or circumstance…

Dont ever for any reason do anything to anyone for any reason ever no matter what no matter where or who or who you are with or where you are going or where you've been ever for any reason

This shitty commute killed a part of me I just didn’t think it had access to…



The Commutes from Hell Continue…