Before my days at Water Cooler Sports when I was just a lowly solo writer on Medium, I was super into writing about TV shows and would try to find the best way to convey my thoughts. As some of you may know, I carried over my Mr. Robot blogging to WCS with the full recaps but I also used to do a weekly blog during Game of Thrones as well. But I figured anyone looking for GOT content had probably already seen the episode and there were a ton of recap and explanation blogs out there so instead, I started Three Quick Things. It’s exactly what it sounds like — three quick things from each episode after it airs. Something funny I noticed, a weird thing I might have a question on, a character who stood out — really anything. It’s just a more focused and concise way to write about GOT rather than delving into a full recap. Now that I’m with WCS and GOT (keep up with the acronyms please) is back, I have the opportunity to start this series again. So without further ado, Three Quick Things from S8E1: Winterfell.
#1: The Iron Fleet May Not Be As Tough As Everyone Says
People in Westeros have made such a big deal about the Iron Fleet and they’ve made it clear that they are nothing to be trifled with. And yet, Theon just hops on one of the ships, shoots about eight arrows, and escapes with Yara! Are we supposed to believe that nearly every single Euron follower is in King’s Landing and not protecting the boats? You left Mac there to guard your ships and prisoner? Yikes!
— Rob McElhenney (@RMcElhenney) April 15, 2019
Also kinda weird that she was only tied to a post. If I’m intent on not losing a prisoner, you can bet they would be buried deep within the bowels of a ship in a prison cell. Not to mention that the door to the room opened when a dead dude fell through it — wasn’t even locked or deadbolted! Euron has been billed as more twisted and evil than Ramsay but I’m not seeing it — dude needs to pick it up.
#2: Jon Snow is Thinking Too Much with his Dick
I get it, we’ve all been there. You like a girl and you’ll do just about anything to impress her. In the words of George Costanza, “I once told a woman I coined the phrase ‘Pardon my French.’” But when you’re not only the rightful heir to the throne (granted he doesn’t know) but also the only person who seems to care AT ALL that there is an undead army marching to kill every living thing, you can’t be just hopping on a dragon to give it a spin like its a mechanical bull. I mean what an unbelievably reckless and wild move that is. It would be like me courting a pilot, her saying “hop on in the cockpit and see how you do,” and everyone just hoping for the best. Except I’ve at least played video games where I fly a plane or mess with flight controls — this is a living, (fire) breathing beast that you don’t even know that you can control! It paid off in a icy bang sesh next to a waterfall (resulting in some A+ memes) but you just can’t be doing that, Jon.
#3: Beric Dondarrion’s Game Presence is at an All-Time Low
Imagine following the destructive path of an entire army of zombies led by creatures whose sole purpose (or so we think) is to kill all living things, entering a super dark and creepy hallway, having the ability to light your sword on fire and NOT lighting said sword on fire!? What the heck (T-minus 5 days until Lent is over and I can swear, but who’s counting?) is wrong with this guy? He waits until the little dead imp shrieks and makes Tormund poop his pants before lighting the sword up. If I’m this guy and I know one of the three ways to kill wights and White Walkers is via fire, you can bet my sword would never not be on fire. Bedtime? Sword on fire. Having a quick snack? Sword on fire. Shower? Sword on fire. Searching for zombies who, by all accounts, love the dark? DEFINITELY SWORD ON FIRE. I like you, Beric, I really do, but be better.
Alright that’s it for this week. I’ll be back next week to break down the super awkward reunion that hopefully ensues between Jamie and Bran (awkward not because Jamie paralyzed this kid but because anything Bran does it awkward).