After writing yesterday’s post about how the NFL offseason is electric this year, I thought it’d be hard to top a Robert Kraft HJ video, and I certainly thought that nothing could be more scandalous as Jay Cutler SUCKING A TIT MILK BLOCKAGE out of Krisitin Callavari’s tits.

Well, leave it to the Patriots…

(Fast forward to about a minute in case you missed it)


So many things to break down here:

  1. What the FUCK is the Lombardi Trophy made of that it dented that easily? It’s not like it was hit by a rock. Have you felt a baseball? Sure they’re hard, but they’re not diamonds. This makes me think the Lombardi Trophy is made of cheap shitty metal that is softer than baby poo. The shield DEFINITELY takes a hit here as it proves its most coveted trophy is built for children.
  2. Great bunt by Gronk. He really squares that thing around and lays a solid bunt down the first base line. Given he’s only 29 years old, was this a hint he’s going to be the 2nd great Patriots TE to make the leap to the MLB? (Guarantee the Mets are already all over this media circus)
  3. Does Gronk have ZERO respect for this trophy? Think about how many players would DIE to touch this trophy. Think about how many guys played their whole career to have the honor of hoisting it high over their heads… Gronk though? This dude has won it sooooooo many times (only three upon further review) it literally couldn’t be less sacred. He probably uses it as a backscratcher/paper-weight/sun-dial (as if Gronk could EVER figure out how to use a sun-dial). This thing is just one in a million to him and I find this downright disrespectful.
  4. Is this why he retired? HEAR ME OUT. Maybe Gronk dented the trophy like the idiot oaf that he is, realized he did it, and instead of going into Goodell’s, or even worse – Belichick’s, office and telling them he dented the most holy of all trophies in the sport. H’e just like, “I quit… you can’t get me! NAH-NAH-NAH-NAH-NAH-NAH

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There is a lot to break down here and I’m sure the more my brain gets to digest this one, I’ll come up with SEVERAL more.

But for now, dreaming of Tebow and Gronk playing outfield in Binghamton, NY is about all I can hope for.

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